Another Day Another Cup - Life with Jonathan & Denise

Jace Ephriam's Birth Story!

2011-08-09T00:14:00.002-05:00

Friday July8th

I was one day past my due date (but 4 days according to the midwife’s office). I had a non-stress test and amniotic fluid level check that morning, which that baby passed just great.

I went in at 2:00 for my appointment. All looked good, and I was told I could easily go to 41 weeks and they were not concerned, but would want another NST next week were that the case. Charlene (my midwife) told me she was going out of town midnight Tuesday. This would mean if I went into labor (or was still in labor) after that point, I would be delivering with Angela, the other office’s midwife. I felt concerned – I really liked Charlene and had never met Angela! While they spoke highly of her, I really did not want to deliver with someone I hadn’t met nor knew my birth preference (other than what I had on my birth plan). All the months of going to Charlene I did not want to see “wasted”. I was given a few options , from doing nothing to trying to jump-start labor with stripping my membranes to even trying some pitocin. While I wasn’t going the pitocin route, I was actually comfortable with having her strip my membranes and see if I was “ready.” Since stripping the membranes releases the prostaglandins, the same way “other” activities do, it will not start labor if your body isn’t ready. The evening before, I had half hour of 30-45 second contractions every 6 minutes from those attempts, but then they’d stopped. So I was confident this was not preemptive. (Also, let me say here I had been Group-B Strep positive, so my midwife had told me to plan to arrive at the hospital with at least 4 hours of labor, because they needed to administer 2 doses of IV antibiotics to me for the baby, and they had to be that far apart. I had laughed and told her there was no way I’d plan to cut it that close, that my expectation was to be there somewhere around 12 hours prior to birth.)

I left her office near 2:40 and went grocery shopping. It is a rare trip I’m without Elyana, so I was making the most of it and trying to stock up if the baby were going to come. While in the store, I had strong contractions, every 10 minutes and less than 30 seconds long. I did have to stop, breathe and concentrate through them, but then went happily on my way.

At home, they continued. We decided to go to the mall and Disney store once Elyana woke up. I was still having steady contractions, and I hoped this would be the night. In the mall, I had to give them attention, but they stayed about 10 minutes apart (not really sure, I wasn’t timing them so I wouldn’t be too absorbed with if they were getting closer or not). After about an hour, we went to eat (well, J and E did, I just had water). Jonathan, having learned from the first long labor, was trying to stock up his energy so he wouldn’t be too hungry.

Once we got home and got Elyana put to bed, while I lay on her bed all my contractions stopped – for almost 20 minutes! I had to stay sitting or standing to keep them going, but once I would lie down, they would stop. I tried running up and down the stairs to increase their intensity. I thought it was ironic that the main position the Bradley book tells you to labor in was not feasible. I was concerned the contractions would stop, and I really wanted to have the baby, so since my husband didn't want to “help” (haha), I decided to take a small dose of castor oil (1 TBSP) about now. (Hindsight, all that seemed to do was make contractions more intense, without speeding up anything.)

I started timing my contractions at 9pm. For that first hour, they averaged 45 seconds long, 5 minutes apart. While I had to give them my attention and they were hard, I was still in doubt whether this would be “the night”. I labored best sitting on the couch on my knees or in the bath. The next hour (10 to 11) things ramped up in intensity and pain and my contractions averaged a minute long and 2:45 apart. Close to 11, I started a text to my family saying, “I think this is it, the baby probably will be born tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon.” But I did not hit “send” because there was still the niggling doubt that my labor would go close to 36 hours again, which in this case would mean nothing until Sunday early morning. I know when we told everyone the first time, they were very anxious to know what was going on, and Jonathan just continued having to send updates about how slow it all was. I guess I didn’t want to worry them. And I suppose, even when you’ve experienced labor already, you as a woman are prone to doubt yourself about when it’s REALLY time (especially if there has been prodromal labor).

For that next hour, from 11:30 to 12:30, I have huge gaps in my timing of the contractions – a 30 minute gap and a 20 minute gap… so that leaves only 10 minutes really timed. This was due to a lot of intensity and my inability to find a good way to labor without a lot of pain. These averaged 1 minute long, 2:13 apart. So, they were a good 30 seconds closer than the previous hour, but the same duration. Understand, the application I downloaded on my iPhone to track these did not give averages. I only know now by exporting them to Excel. At the time, I would look and see some 45 seconds, some 1:15, and that’s what really caused me to doubt myself. I was reading the Bradley book on labor in between contractions and I had clearly read that contractions that weren’t longer than 45 seconds just were not effective in opening the cervix (dilation). So this contributed to my lack of surety.

I labored a lot in the tub. I kept the water hot and would just drape myself over the edge. I got my clothes all wet and didn't care. I thougtht of all the things I needed to do (like put my daily makeup, and some more comfortable clothes in my hospital suitcase). I had much done ahead of time, but a few things had escaped me. I knew I could never make it upstairs and get it all done without having a few contractions, and I just did not want to have them take me by surprise. Somewhere here I did manage to grab what I could, and throw it on the couch downstairs. I told Jonathan he needed to get all that stuff when it was time. He encouraged me, but mostly he was just staying occupied but in very close proximity to me, as we both were really thought this was the beginning of a long ~24 hour event. I had wanted to look “pretty” going to the hospital, but at this point all I could do was wash my face and keep laboring - Hard.

Close to midnight, I started having occasional contractions that were 1:15 to 1:30 long. They were odd, because they were like two rolled into one. The wave of a contraction would start: a gripping of the uterine muscles that works its way tighter and tighter and then the loosening and gradual subsiding that occurs. But these would have the gradual subsiding eclipsed by an oncoming wave of a follow-up contraction! These were incredibly hard to manage concerning the intensity, because there was not a rest for my body. I remember telling Jonathan how incredibly hard these were to endure.

From 12:30 to 1:30 I had 5 of these “double contractions”. At this point, my labor was so intense, I was crying out very loudly at some of them (things like, “God, help me!”). I told onathan a little after midnight that I felt this was serious and I needed to go – and I begging for his input. He told me he really didn’t think it was time. He felt it would be good if we could hold off until 5-6am, when Elyana got up, and we could take her to our friend Stacy’s house. I saw the wisdom in this, and thought, “If I can just make it until 6…” With Elyana’s birth, I told him I thought it was time, and he continued to tell me it wasn’t – and sure enough we went too early. So I was really trying to listen to him. After some of these double contractions, and how much pain I felt, I begged him not to even leave the room where I was. I felt I needed him right there as I labored in the tub, and I needed him to do the timing for me, as pressing the iPhone’s timer once a contraction started was now too much distraction for the amount of intense concentration I needed. I was seeing bright red blood at this point, which I never ever had with Elyana. Honestly, it scared me. I didn’t know for sure what it was from. I wanted the safety and assurance of the hospital.

I went back on the couch maybe 1:00 am and told Jonathan I really thought this was time to go. He then suggested turning on music or watching something on tv. I was so angry and snapped at him, “If you think I’m at the point where I need distraction, that just shows how disconnected you are from what I’m feeling!” (Something like that.) I was really upset that he was not more in tune with the stage of labor I was in… my emotional signpost was SERIOUSNESS, not excitement. I left to retreat to the bathroom, somehow just sure I’d have to labor this intensely, but I shouldn’t be here. In fact, soon afterward I reached the self-doubt and told Jonathan I couldn’t do this. In fact, from 1 to 2am, my contractions continued to be 1 minute long, but 1:50 apart.

At this point, Jonathan must have been watching me, and I was really, really struggling with the pain (yes, I’m using that word). I honestly felt overwhelmed with how very intense this all was – very unlike my experience with Elyana. At 2:19, which is my last timed contraction on my iPhone, Jonathan said, “We’re calling Stacy, it’s time to go.” I felt relief! Finally, finally. I told him, “And when we get there, I can get drugs. I can have something. Right?” I remember thinking it sounded silly, and almost that I just was asking so I didn’t feel like I didn’t have a choice. But I also know I felt like I was going to die if it got much worse. I felt so, so much pain. I think it may have taken Stacy 15 minutes to get to the house, and in that time Jonathan scurried around loading up the car. I pulled out the exercise ball to try to labor on, just for something different. It helped, some. Things were very serious – I was crying out a lot, and using all my might to grab onto things (like the couch, towel-bar rack, etc). Stacy came in, and I had been closing my eyes for each contraction for a while, and I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t even hold myself back (which with Elyana’s labor, I was in control the whole time)! I felt everything was greater than I was – the pressure, the unrelenting feeling of it all. I felt just barely in control at the peak of contractions. I snapped at Jonathan things like, “I want THIS pillow…” and at his grabbing the wrong one 2 times I was undaunted in my fervency.

We left for the hospital, only 10 minutes away. I opened my eyes what felt like 30 minutes into the drive and saw we were only halfway there. I was so discouraged. Laboring in the car, at this point, felt unbearable. When Jonathan pulled up, I wanted to scream at the idea that I’d have to either walk the whole way (and up one flight of stairs) or else take a wheelchair. Both seemed horrible. As we pulled under the awning, I told him, “I am feeling a pushing urge.” It was not a true I-Can’t-Not-Push urge, but just feeling the urge let me know the seriousness of where I was in my labor. Even if I had the 3 hours of pushing like I did with Elyana, I would still see this baby before the sun came up!

The wheelchair ride was awful. The nurse taking me seemed to not care when I was contracting (“Get in, Get Out.”) I went to assessment and was commanded to put on a gown. I had cleared it ahead of time that I could labor in my own clothes, and this first “bump” was aggravating to say that least! And in the midst of such serious contractions, the last thing I needed was to worry about undressing/dressing and fighting some nurses! I refused and rolled my eyes at them – and then finally agreeing very begrudgingly. I was so irritated but just wanted to get out of there! Sure enough, I was 7 cm. They were asking all kinds of horribly annoying and ridiculous questions. Jonathan blanked on the name of my midwife!! I walked to my room, which was only across the way, but it was a horrible walk, and I stopped just feet from the bed with a contraction. I didn’t care that I was contracting on the floor, but the nurse seemed jolly-well-unhappy with it, and intent on getting me in the bed ASAP. I knew I’d need the penicillin in the IV, but then could walk around. The nurses couldn’t understand that I had permission from my midwife to just get the IV for that, and then not be hooked up to it for fluids or anything. I was so irritated they were so confused. I couldn’t wait for Charlene to come. At this point they also asked Jonathan for my papers from my midwife. They were in the car. I panicked at his leaving me, as he’d been holding my hand at my side since we arrived. I felt he was the ONLY one protecting me and looking out for me, since Charlene wasn’t there yet. It was a very vulnerable feeling, because being in the deepest intensity of the contractions, I had no idea what was really happening around me, nor much of a voice to use. He reassured me he’d fly.

They called my midwife at 3:09. I’d probably been there 10 minutes. Angela, the midwife from my office that was on-call, came over and started to coach me through breathing through these hard contractions. She told me to look at her and instructed my breathing. Just having to focus on her face and my breathing helped those next few contractions. Jonathan took over her place, and I was clawing into him and grabbing him. He said, “Don’t use your nails” and I said, “If I can stand this, you can stand a little scratching!” (To be fair, there was blood being drawn as well. He did suffer.) I was incredibly vocal and aggressive (in my opinion). This was drastically different than my labor with Elyana. I had been calm and controlled the whole 35 hours and here I felt unable to restrain my tone of voice or aggression. I felt like I writhed with each contraction. A nurse was placing the monitors on my belly during a contraction, and I roughly said, “You’re hurting me!” to which she said it wasn’t her it was the contraction. (Not appreciated at the time.)

Thankfully, Charlene arrived soon; her presence was most welcome and reassuring. She checked me and I was a 9. I told her I felt I needed to push and she told me to hold off for another 5 minutes to get the last of the IV in me. I knew I could. After that, with the impending birth obviously not 4 hours away, I was fully dilated and she asked if I wanted my water broken – and at this point I was ready to get the contractions done and the baby out! She told me it could help with some of the pressure I was experiencing and perhaps speed along baby’s entrance. I readily agreed. It was a relief!

Then began the pushing. Sure enough, like my first time, I would start a strong push, but then fight the follow-through. While in the 45 degree position, I was using my feet to push down to bear the pain – basically thwarting my true pushing progress. I knew this, I felt this. So I got into a full squat on the bed position (bless Charlene for telling me I could do what I wanted!). This at least helped me truly push, but it seemed more painful, so I reverted to the 45 degree sit/lay. Charlene pointed out how I was pushing with my feet, and that it was putting me out of reach of her and not helping. I begged for guidance and this is the only part I felt I wish she’d been more instructive on, because I don’t think she said much except not to use my feet.

It finally got to the point of a contraction that I pushed hard enough that the baby’s head must have been crowning – because I got what’s called the “Eject Reflex”. This was the most revealing and surprising thing about my whole labor. I didn’t know what I should do, but I was too involved to even ask. I knew my pushing contraction was over, but the eject reflex basically makes you want to push out whatever is causing such discomfort. I did not experience this my first time, and I didn’t know whether I should trust this and just respond, or if I needed to wait as much as possible until my next contraction. I just went with what was natural – which was to “get it out”. I cried out, “Charlene, help me!” to which she said, “You have to do this yourself, I need your help.” (or something like that) As basic as it sounded, having her tell me I was in control was exactly what I required. I think since I reverted to vacuum assistance with Elyana’s birth, I had residual ideas of an inability to do this on my own. How I needed her words!

So, I pushed through, and asked, “is the baby crowning” to which I got a YES. I was surprised I hadn’t been given more “progress” stats, feeling like that would have encouraged me. (Side note: I’d wanted to deliver with a mirror, and just forgot to ask, but I don’t know how I’d have seen it since the midwife was right where it would go.) Jonathan was still at my right side, coaching and encouraging. I talked to him and leaned heavily on him physically through every contraction and push. He was so excited and encouraging – exactly what I needed to see in order to continue with energy. It's exactly what the Bradley book tells the coach to do - to be very careful to be encouraging and eager with their words/face so that the laboring woman can see through what she is feeling to how close she really is (in the big picture).

As I got the “eject reflex” and pushed through it, I pushed and pushed and I knew “this is it”. You get a knowing that there is no turning back, your body feels it. But the difficult part is not knowing how long you’ll be in that state, or how painful it will be. I could feel the stretching and a bit of tearing (very tiny) but I just kept pushing, but I screamed. Yes, I did. I’m horrified now. It wasn’t bloodcurdling, but I was so controlled and polite and “normal” through my first delivery, I didn’t even recognize myself at this point (ok, Jonathan says it was bloodcurdling). With only maybe 10 minutes pushing (I have no idea), I finally pushed my beautiful son’s body out: oh the relief! That’s the most amazing thing: the intensity, the violence if you will, the pain, it’s all over and there in front of you is a human being! I cannot describe the emotion. Overwhelming. It was 3:55. I’d been there maybe an hour. Wow. (With Elyana, I was there 19 hours.)

The cord was cut, my son wiped and swaddled and placed on me. I held my son. Jace Ephraim. I loved him, but I was exhausted. I handed him to his daddy after a few minutes, as they were delivering the placenta and that had some pain accompanying it. When I got our son back, I tried to get him to nurse, but he was not very interested (unlike Elyana!). Jonathan accompanied him to get his vitamin K shot and vitals taken. I will say I felt strange, I was ashamed at how I’d lost my controlled self. I apologized many times, because I just felt the person who came in just an hour before was not me. I was disappointed in myself. I also felt dumbstruck that this was “over.” Mentally and emotionally I was not prepared to be done with labor. It was a hard thing to grasp. I felt sad actually at the overarching hospital experience (the labor at home was fine). I was overjoyed to have my son here, but it just took time for my emotions to catch up. I also said, “I never want to do this again!” whereas with Elyana, as soon as she was out, I told Jonathan I would love to birth more children! I also learned that I would have to stay 2 days automatically since the baby did not get 2 doses of antibiotic. This contributed a lot to my feelings of having not done well – I felt I’d failed the baby by not coming soon enough. My midwife visited with me for what felt like 30 minutes (I don’t know how long), and talking to her helped some, as I shared how conflicted I was feeling. Charlene offered a lot of encouragement and told me there wasn’t any way I’d have come that early (sure enough, thinking back to 11pm, I wasn’t even sure the labor was here to stay).

Jonathan stayed with me for a few hours, sleeping in the bed next to me, and I slept a little off and on. A little sleep, nursing and holding my precious baby, and getting a shower turned everything around. In just a few hours, I had dealt with those feelings and was enjoying my son and what I’d accomplished to bring him in! I was ready to say, “I can do this again and I want to.” I was seeing the beauty of his labor in its own light, no matter how it surprised me. I was elated at his life! I had my little Elyana visit me and having all 4 of us together was a very sweet time. Welcome to the world, my Beloved, Precious Jace Ephraim! I delight in your life and your arrival.

Awaiting Baby Boy's Arrival. :)

2011-06-30T00:51:00.001-05:00

So... I'm just 5-8 days from my official due dates with Baby Boy (I only had two ultrasounds, and one dated him at 7/4, the other at 7/7 - since I did not really know my LMP).

I wanted to take a moment, to gather my thoughts here as I'm in the waiting mode.

I am so excited to meet my son. I cannot wait to see that beautiful newborn, to smell his skin, to nurse him, to hold him and watch him in person.

But I'm actually grateful for every single day I get with Elyana alone. I am savoring each hug, each book, each time putting her to bed. I'm savoring the moments before I'm exhausted, listening out for another baby crying, or nursing and unable to chase her or work puzzles with her. She has been so affectionate lately too, I really think it's rather a cyclical thing: the more you love on your child and savor them, the more they feel loved and reciprocate. The truth is, as real life moves on, it's hard to keep that in front of you. But with being on the edge of something life-changing for us, I find it easy to realize this could be my "last" uninterrupted whatever with her, and I savor it. I tell her over and over how much I love her, and how she's my firstborn and she holds such a special place in my heart.

I go back and forth between being very exited about experiencing another birth, and with feeling a bit scared and wondering, "Can I do it again?" (naturally) It's weird, since I never doubted myself the first time. I have even had times of contractions and prodromal labor, where I silently prayed "Not yet, not now..." I didn't feel ready physically (as in, these were always at night, when I was already sleep-deprived and tired). This will sound silly, but I also did not feel ready with the state-of-my-house. I just wanted to get my floors swept/mopped and my bathrooms all cleaned one more time before the baby comes. I have accomplished the floors, not yet all 3 bathrooms (1/3 so far). I know that's ridiculous.

We've got Elyana's schedule taken care of, as she'll be with some dear friends we were in training at Holloman with - friends with 3 girls who Elyana adores, and they live 2-3 minutes away (on the way to the hospital even)! Her bag is packed, she's been told many times what will happen. My bag is packed, although I hope to only be there one night!

So for now, I wait on the date of his birth. Each night, I use an iPhone app to do his kick-count. I have learned a lot more since having Elyana, and one thing that I did learn was how important it is to monitor you baby's routine and what is normal for them in regard to movement. Just a simple count to 10 movements/kicks recorded each day could help alert you as the mother to potential problems (such as cord accidents, which apparently happen very slowly). No, I'm not worried about it, but it's one more thing you can do to protect your unborn baby - like taking folic acid or a prenatal vitamin before you TTC so that the neural tube develops properly. I love knowing I am the one person in the world who knows this child better than anyone else, and therefore it is entrusted to me to do everything in my power to take care of him and protect him.

The one thing I am ready to be rid of is how difficult it is to sleep well, walk and in general just get around. Carrying around 25 extra pounds right on your middle of a wiggly little one and everything that entails is tough. I remember so clearly with Elyana how some things magically resolve as soon as the baby is out... Heartburn literally disappears. And sleep, though it's broken up now, becomes deep and refreshing. Those things, I am excited to embrace.

So I am at peace. Excited for what is to come, but absolutely sure that each day is a Gift to us of just Us Three. So with a grateful heart, I head to bed....

Tacking a Not Fun Topic: Breath-Holding Spells

2011-03-25T17:19:00.004-05:00

First, as a precursor, I'm just going to post the most relevant pieces of info from the following 3 articles/fact-sheets. Better than my trying to explain upfront...

Breath-holding is very common in toddlers and can sometimes occur in young babies. It affects about one in twenty children. A breath-holding spell may happen after a child has a minor accident, has a fright or gets upset. The child will then cry and hold their breath. Breath-holding spells often occur as part of toddler tantrums although the spell is a reflex reaction to an unpleasant stimulus and not a deliberate behaviour on the child's part

A breath-holding spell is when your child holds his breath when he is suddenly injured, frustrated, angry, or frightened. Breath-holding spells begin between the ages of 6 months and 2 years. They occur only while the child is awake

Breath-holding spells are usually caused by either a change in the usual breathing pattern or a slowing of the heart rate. These reactions may be brought on by pain or by strong emotions, such as fear or frustration.

• Your child may make 1 or 2 cries and then hold his breath in expiration until he becomes blue around the lips and passes out.
• Your child may stiffen and may have a few twitches or muscle jerks.
• Your child will breathe normally again and become fully alert in less than 1 minute.

*References at bottom of entry*

Now, why am I writing this? Well, let me go back to Elyana at ~14 months old. She was running around the house, Jonathan was watching her, I was making dinner. She, still being a clumsy walker, fell right into an outer-facing corner, hitting her temple directly on the baseboard. Jonathan ran to scoop her up, I was in the next room waiting for her loud cry/wail that would come... And didn't. Too many seconds of silence, and Jonathan was rushing her into the kitchen as I was rushing to them. He was cradling her head, and and she was limp and pale and passed out. We absolutely freaked! We yelled her name at her, and firmly patted her face (I think!)... What seems like forever, but maybe was 15-20 seconds (?), she finally took a startled breath and cried. Weakly. NOT what we were expecting. I held her as we rushed her into the car to take to the ER. But less than 3 minutes down the road (if that), she was pointing out birds out the car door, acting normal as ever. We (rationally) drove back home, and I called the after-hours pediatrician. The recommendation was for her to get a CAT scan of her head, since we weren't sure whether the fall caused her to be unconscious, or whether the pain triggered her to intake her breath so sharply that she could not breathe out, and thus she passed out. So we gathered our things and spent the next few hours getting her examined. Praise God, everything looked fine and she acted absolutely normal!!! We "forgot" the incident, or rather, dismissed it as a random occurrence...

Now, right at the 2 year mark, just 2 days after starting antibiotics for her ear infection this January, we were all 3 in the kitchen, and Elyana was playing with a drawer. Jonathan scolded her for something and she made a little cry, then in-took her breath for a real loud wail... that never came! Jonathan scooped her up, cradling her head and holding her semi-upright, and we were terrified. We yelled things like, "Call 911, where's your phone!" in the space of 15-25 seconds. We didn't know what was going on, but it seemed so random, it seemed like a real threat! As I ran to get the phone and Jonathan close behind me with her, she started to breathe and cry (loudly) this time. We were so relieved, and crying, and had that kicked-in-the-gut feeling. Like, "What was that?!" Jonathan especially, since he felt the initiator. Obviously, when a child is sick, they fall apart at the littlest thing, but we expected nothing like that. While we loved on her and watched her closely, I scoured the baby health books/internet for answers. And came to the sites/articles above. It really described to a "t" what we saw. But it never takes the fear away! She in no way acted odd after that at all - and we were careful to be very gentle and non-corrective the next few days/weeks.

But it bothered us so "little" - in terms of needing an explanation - that I never mentioned it at her 2 year well baby checkup.

Then, weeks later, sometime in February, Elyana was walking up the stairs, and she hit her chin against the carpeted stair . (For the record, she's walked up stairs proficiently since she was 21 months, and we have split-level stairs anyway.) I was at the top, Jonathan was walking with her, carrying something (a laptop?). It was bedtime, so she was obviously more tired/cranky. Jonathan said something to her about, "Oh, it's ok, come on baby." (He said it was a very easy bump, which she always takes in stride.) As he walked up, and I was at the top, it was silent enough and without a cry (again, maybe 3 seconds, but enough when you're expecting it!) that we both rushed to her... Jonathan of course, being closer, got there first. She was on the split-level, but passing out. Only God's grace, as she *could* have fallen. He scooped her up, cradled her head, and held her rigid body as her lips were blue. This time, I felt only slightly calmer, trying to remember the techniques (breathing in her face, calling her name) to try to bring her about. I think it was maybe 10 seconds, not a lot, but enough to cause a parent to absolutely panic inwardly still. We loved on her and made sure she was ok, played with her extra long and delayed bed.

And that's it. Since then, I've pieced the first piece of the puzzle together, meaning that first fall at 14 months. I think it's a proclivity for her. I do want to get her checked for iron-deficient anemia, since I struggled with that at least during pregnancy. But we have been extra, extra careful to watch that all emotional situations for her (pain, anger) are treated very pro-actively. When she gets hurt, I especially make sure she feels comforted as fast as possible. It seems the quicker I can head off her getting that upset, the better. I've seen her lips turn blue as she cried and I just work my best on comfort. Same thing when I have to correct her for something, I make sure I'm loving on her, touching or holding her, as I have to tell her what's wrong with what she's done.

I guess I'm posting because I want this documented, but I also want any other mothers to see this if they need it. I also think it's good to be real, and although I think we live a very wonderful life, it's not without its challenges and fears......

I thank God everyday for our precious baby girl, and her life, and her health. I think this is so minor compared to so many things I could be writing about in regards to her. God has gifted us more than we deserve. My heart is filled to bursting with love for her so many times, and I am just grateful He's entrusted her to us.

http://www.chw.edu.au/parents/factsheets/breathj.htm
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Pediatrics-1429/Crying-Toddler.htm
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0816/is_6_23/ai_n19395000/

Catch up!

2011-02-20T01:28:00.000-05:00

Just two months since my last post. Time has flown. And dragged. And flown.

I am so grateful for the stage God has us in now. Grateful. One reason I did not blog (aside from morning sickness, exhaustion, and so much unpacking/settling to do) was things were really rough here. Specifically, with mothering Elyana. Remember how I posted Elyana's 20 month update and explained how it was like being in a "honeymoon" stage with her??? Well, as with all stages, that one seemed to end as soon as we moved here.

We moved here on Oct 28th, flew out on the 29th, and were gone for 2 weeks to NC, followed by a 4-day cross-country drive in our truck while we towed our Mustang. All the travel, being in so many different places an beds and room set-ups, obviously was hard on her. In one hotel where we had an expected 5-hours of sleep before absolutely having to get up the next morning, after midnight when Elyana couldn't sleep and was in bed with us since the peapod was hopeless that night, she was crying "home, home" because I think she just didn't even know what that was anymore!!! :( So, when we finally got here on the 16th of November, we were bone-weary yet with a full house to unpack. And the next morning of course, I discovered one reason I was especially weary - our little one!!! (Can't help but smile!) What followed was 21 days exactly of Elyana waking between 2-10 times every single night, and not napping some days (she has always been so predictable and easily sleep-trained). Sometimes, it would start within 5 minutes of being laid down for the night, and she would call me every few minutes. Other times, she'd sleep peacefully for hours, and it would start in the wee morning hours. She would ask for very specific "stalling" type things like more water (of course that's fine!), crackers, me to sing to her, rock her, sleep in our bed, etc. I really did not feel there should be one firm answer (like always give water, but never sing to her any more than our usual pre-bedtime). I just really thought I should be understanding, gentle, but firmly continue to impress upon her "Ok, but it's night-night time right now. No more calling Momma just to ask me to sing." Of course, some nights I sang over and over. Some nights I told her "no more asking Momma to sing, if you ask again, I won't do it until morning." And I'd stick to that. After a couple weeks of that not working, we tried Jonathan going in instead of me (fail!). I tried telling her if she called again (after a bunch of times) that I would not come back. Different things worked different times. I prayed SO much those weeks. I prayed and prayed for wisdom, patience, discernment, and for her to have peace mostly!!! I just felt it was mostly an unsettledness in her spirit, and perhaps a bit of her learning how to start "bedtime excuses". But I felt she was really too young for that.

Anyway, I have heard over and over that it takes 21 days to form a new habit, and I honestly will say on night 22 here in this house, she slept through the night, without ever calling me, for the first time. And it continued for days. Now, we're more of 1-3 wake-ups per week, which is fairly normal for us. All I have to do is cover her, give her water, or just love on her. Half the time I think she's not really awake! I just want to say, children need and crave schedules and consistency so very much! I know the Lord has equipped me to be her mother specifically, and gives me wisdom when I ask (James 1:5,6).

Throughout all that, I was in the very hard stages of pregnancy sickness and exhaustion. I'm sure I was anemic, at once point I had to crawl up the stairs because I literally felt walking required too much exertion. :( (Thankfully, that was a day Jonathan had off and had taken Elyana out for a few hours so I could sleep.) But add my exhaustion to her lack of sleep, and there were nights I was just thinking "How can I ever, ever manage two children?"

Then, add to it Elyana starting (in December?) a very difficult willful, fussy/whiny, clingy-to-momma, unable to play by herself, and demanding stage. I really think it only just now ended, with the start of February (so three weeks of bliss). I know it's not easy being her, but it's also confusing being a parent to an angel one day and a little tyrant the next. :) We love her so very much, but that doesn't mean we have unlimited patience with every stage. Anyway, God is gracious and all I can say is, Thank You Jesus for this current phase.

It's not perfect. Certainly it's not like the honeymoon 20-month stage. But it's good! She makes up the cutest stories, is so interactive, has her favorite pastimes and books, loves crafting time, is eager to learn, and just melts our hearts with her outright singing and cracking jokes to herself. Even her mischief cracks me up. (For example, she currently thinks the words poop, toot, and pee are very funny. But she knows she's not suppose to say them casually. So she's taken to singing songs like "Winnie the Pooh" and instead saying "Winnie the Foop" because it rhymes with poop and therefore makes her giggle. See?!?!)

Now, what I haven't announced on here, since most of you all are facebook friends, is that we found out Baby #2 is a BOY!!!!! We are so very excited. We did not care, but what a joy it's been planning/dreaming for a boy. And I finally am really bonding to this child in a special way now that I know the gender. There's something that makes each kick and hiccup personal when I think "that's my son" or "that's my little guy." We talk to Elyana about her "baby brother" and it's been wonderful feeling like I am getting months to prepare her in a mental and tangible way for his arrival. And how very excited I am to be halfway now, halfway to meeting him, our surprise, miracle, baby boy!

Ok, I apologize for the novel. Love you all very much!!!!

Where To Start?

2010-12-03T18:19:00.002-05:00

Life, life, life... So busy it flies by month by month and I wonder how my days have turned into months. How have full seasons passed with my feeling entirely wrapped up in a daily busyness? It’s a good busyness, though. Throughout the summer and especially our time in New Mexico, I would rise and greet the day with burgeoning plans OUTDOORS. Oh the glories of the weather and the many things to do! I find myself sorry that it’s winter here in a new town (Las Vegas) and a new home, with nary a friend to call to meet for coffee or to let our children play. If the summer/fall was my daily wonder and the glorious enjoyment of all things delightful, then winter is my time of plodding. Ever since arriving in our home, 11 days ago, I am plodding. Plodding through boxes, through books to store with no bookshelves anymore, plodding through meals and laundry to keep up with amidst LIFE. Plodding through morning (all day!) sickness. Plodding through serious sleep issues with my girlie. Plodding through finding a church, feeling isolated, missing old friends, missing out having Elyana be outdoors 50% of the day, missing out on the familiar. And sunshine. In Vegas, by 4:30 it’s dark outdoors. We’re right on the edge of the Pacific/Mountain time-zone, and we lose that extra hour of sunlight. Plus, it’s just overcast.

Now, I’m not complaining. I’m so grateful for a beautiful home, a loving husband, a precious daughter, and so many things in my past that have filled my life with joy. I know those await here. In time. This is my season of waiting, plodding, getting things done. It doesn’t help that I can’t find my REAL Bible yet. With our limited room, I packed a small Bible of mine to New Mexico, and I miss my sturdy regular one. I don’t know where it is yet.

The biggest surprise (and challenge, honestly) was finding out, our first morning here (Wednesday, November 17) that I was Pregnant!!!! Pregnant, unbeknownst to me! Pregnant naturally! I was dumbfounded. For days I’d pass by the positive pregnancy test thinking, “Is this real?” Elyana took 33 months, 3 failed IUIs, 2 IVFs. This, without even knowing the date of my last cycle?!? This, when I was 7 weeks along at that? I had stopped praying to get pregnant (after Elyana was born). I acknowledged it could happen, when asked, but I never considered it for real. We had peace thinking we would build our family with IVF, if the Lord allowed more successes. We had called WH and signed up for April 2011 to try IVF again. And here I was, pregnant.

I am really at a place of being in awe of God’s workings. And of not understanding. I just know He deserves much praise for what He has done! His miraculous healing to my infertility – now to the very inability to conceive on my own – what a work! I stand amazed at My Healer. I stand so humbled, when He has already given me the ONE child I asked for, that He has graciously entrusted another into our care. What can I do but bow in reverence and thanksgiving?!

I have battled some very serious exhaustion and morning (all day) sickness, hence why it’s been such a challenge on top of being required to do so much more than I normally would have to (moving in!). But there is grace. And Jonathan has been more than patient with my inability to move some evenings, or smell food (let alone cook it). Praise God for him!

So, I am alive, I am here, and I am checking in because I miss you all!!!

Elyana - 20 Months!

2010-09-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

Our little girl isn't so little anymore! She has such a personality! She is so cute, so funny, so personable! Really, I always have held fast that the newborn stage has been my very "favorite" (if pressed to name one), but this one is awfully close (my sister Karen warned me that between 18-24 months, as a personality would develop, it would be a heart-stealing time!).

Elyana is such a talker! I just stopped counting when she reached over 100 regularly usable words in her vocabulary. She had 40 at 17 months, 60 at 18 months, and surpassed 100 lately. She has such good pronunciation as well. She can't say her r's very well, but we find that adorable. Other words she pronounces with such precision are: honey, waffle, bed, mess, cheese, eat, tunnel, bath, potty, belly, to name a few. She also identifies some items by their sound instead of their name: "Meow" for cat, "Neigh-Neigh" for Horse.

A few months back, when she would be upset about something (like us telling her it was time to stop playing, or she couldn't have more sweets, or she had to share), we would tell her "Show Momma/Daddy Happy Face" and she'd say "Happy" (even with a sad/pitiful voice at times - oh she was trying!). She'd often say it through her tears/fussiness. But she always said it! It was so nice to know she was trying to please us and obey! Soon after she got that (18 mos), we started to tell her in addition to that, "Now show me your Cheerful Heart." And she'd pat her heart and say, "Hawt." Melt us to pieces!

I remember my sister Karen calling me when Elyana was 17/18 months, and I told her I felt like it was hard to enjoy this age, because I had to be constantly on top of things and watching and correcting her. She had hit people occasionally, she fussed a lot when her will was crossed, she would say "Mommy!" and demand I do everything for her instead of anyone else do it (basically, learning to boss me around to dress her, swing her, walk with her, etc). We always wanted to be watchful for attitudes and let her know she is not the "boss" of us, but at the same time we know we have to understand children do think they're the center of the universe (and their needs definitely come first), but it's a long road teaching them otherwise, and it must be done in accordance with their understanding.

Now, though? It feels like it's so easy! Yes, there are hard times, when she seems to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and nothing will please her (she asks for her sandwich to be cut, then fusses that it's cut, she wants help with her drink, then fusses because of how I helped.... that kind of thing!). But those are by far the exception! Mostly, she is so obedient and we've been in this honeymoon stage since leaving Georgia. We use the word "Obey" and she will do what we ask (it's a little like magic, she knows that word/command is not to be disregarded). Sharing, she understands and obeys with the happiest attitude. We do work on immediate obedience, but even with that she's been mostly good.

Leaving Georgia, when she played with her friends, I had to be very on top of telling her "Share" and signing it for her, and usually it was more of an act I had to help her with and tell her to be happy about. Now? She sees someone try to use something she likes (a slide, a toy, a book) and she'll look at me, and sign and say "Shaaaaaaa-uh" (remember, no r's!). She doesn't grab her toys away, or look upset or mad that someone is taking her toy. She will still sign and say words that there are more emphasis on, which I find adorable! When we left Georgia, I would just mention her friends' names, and she'd say "Noooooo" and then tell me "Share" and add in another "Nooo." She was telling me she didn't like sharing with them! I am so pleased with her growth in this area.

Elyana can really carry a tune. She gets on kicks and wants us to sing these songs over and over and over... And now, these past few weeks, she is singing recognizable tunes. Her words aren't as easily recognizable, but you can pick them out. She can sing the tunes to "Twinkle Twinkle", "Mary had a little Lamb", "BaBa Black Sheep", "Grandpa's Farm", "Jesus Loves Me", and "Skip to My Lou" to name a few.

When we got here, she would fuss some when I went to workout for an hour a day and left her with Jonathan. Now? She'll say goodbye, and happily play with him. Sweet success! She understands that I go away, and return.

Jonathan's taught her to hold her hand over her heart when the national anthem plays at 4:30 on base, and she loves it! She loves listening to and watching the airplanes fly overhead. She loves watching the tractors work. She loves chase, picnics, the park, chalk, coloring (finally!), BOOKS (always has, we took at least 20 books in our little Civic for the trip out here, and spent an hour at the library each week getting 5-10 new books!!!), swinging, sliding, sand... She tells me she wants to go Shop, or she says "Coffee" (I take her to the base coffee shop). :) She loves playing on the inside play equipment at the base's Kidsport. She will walk and look at me and say "Hi Buddy!" (I tell her she's my little buddy.) She likes almost anything I like. :) She will also ask to watch tv with Jonathan and ask for "Chase Ball" (football) and "Hunting Deeew (deer)."

The church we chose here has an hour and 15 minute service, and Elyana will sit quietly through the whole thing (no childcare there anyway). She colors, reads, sings some, and says "amen" a lot. She also will say "Bib-uh" for Bible when we have morning devotions as a family. She reminds us often to pray before our meal by folding her hands and saying "Pway"?

We have always made sure she didn't just get a paci "whenever." But it was very subjective. As a child gets older, it's not fair to them to do things based on the parents' whim. So we trained her that when she asks for paci, we ask, "When do you get paci?" and she'll say "Ni-Night.... Ca-Ride" (bed and car rides). It's a rule she understands and there's just no arguing with it. Sometimes she'll fuss unhappily, but 99% of the time, she will tell us the rule, and stop asking. She is capable of so much understanding, we constantly find we have to really not underestimate her!

We have loved her growing personality, vocabulary, character. She has definitely developed quite a memory, and constantly surprises us with recalling things from months ago (like where she heard a song, or something). It's as if she couldn't tell us before, but her mind was working, storing these things away, and now she can recall with amazing correctness.

This is long, but there is so much to document! We lovelovelove our little Sweet Georgia Peach!!!

The Unasked Question

2010-09-15T00:20:00.001-05:00

I know that as Elyana is growing older, more people will begin to wonder or ask outright a question about her sibling status.

If I'm feeling humorous, I'll wryly grin and say, "Well, she's got two siblings already, frozen in San Antonio." But depending on the recipient of the answer, that can come off as callous, which it's not at all intended.

Basically, though, many of my friends try to keep their children's age at a 2 and 3 year span apart. It's natural to wonder when and if we might want another.

The short answer? Of course we want more children!!!

The long answer is, how to get there. Honestly, in our minds, we have to plan as if each pregnancy must be proceeded with plans for IVF. We will do everything in our power to conceive naturally, but it's not expected to work in our minds. Therefore, there's not much disappointment to handle if it doesn't occur naturally. We make plans for when we should travel back to San Antonio, we set aside money for the cost. We consider how the whole IVF process will affect Elyana, knowing we need her to be old enough to handle my being away for all those appointments.

Having Elyana has taken away the pain of infertility. So even though we want more, it is not the same magnitude of an issues in my heart about whether that will occur of not. We've prayed about adoption and talked about our desire to adopt, so we know we could pursue a larger family if IVF were to not work again. Although we dearly desire it to work.

Our general plans are to try IVF next year. Honestly, I look at Elyana, I enjoy my days with her so much, and I don't find myself longing for another. I love each stage with her. I love spending time every day teaching and training and playing with her. So while I want it, I'm not aching for it. A sibling will change my relationship with her, and will cause her to grow up in many ways. I don't want to intentionally pursue dividing my attention with another child before I feel ready. Many families don't have this option to even consider. But since conceiving is so hard for us, we really can be thoughtful and mindful about it. So I will be grateful for the pause I have to consider.

I guess that's it. Nothing concrete, but I did want to catch you all up on where my/our thoughts are on the issue. Looking at newborn pictures turns my heart, but greeting my little cheerful girl who stands up in her crib and asks to snuggle on our bed does as well!!!

!Break! - Elyana Ruth's LONG Birth Story

2010-09-11T21:44:00.001-05:00

I know this is about 19 months overdue in its long form, but my dear friend Lisi posted an awesome article on why (unmedicated) women don't need to wait until they're dilated to a 10 until they push. I commented on it over on Facebook, and I realized my birth story in its full form was never published. For what it's worth, if you have 10 minutes and a lovely cup of hot tea or coffee, curl up and enjoy the listen. It's riveting, to me, and I adore telling the story. :) I don't know why I did not publish it on here before when I had it typed up already!

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Elyana Ruth Birth Story

Sunday, January 18^th I was woken up at 5:30am out of a slumber to some intense pains. I realized these as contractions. After having the day of contractions on Friday the 9^th, I wasn’t ready to say “This is it.” But I did feel that maybe it would turn into the events leading up to her birth.

I got in the bath to try to alleviate the pains, and I figured it could be my last good chance to get clean before the birth, if this was my labor beginning. I took my time, thinking maybe we’d even be able to go to church. They were over 5 minutes apart, lasting about 30 seconds long. Long enough to keep me from trying to sleep anymore! I painted my toenails and fingernails too – figuring it’d be nice to have them pretty!

Jonathan got up at 7 when the alarm rang. I told him what was up, and he was excited, but cautious as I was. We went to have breakfast together after his shower, and chill on the couches while I went through contractions (this was, by choice, the last I ate until after Elyana was born). About 8:15 I told him I didn’t think I should go to church, as the contractions were intense enough I figured I’d make a scene sitting there. So we decided to have our own quiet time together. Jonathan read from the first 8 verses of the Sermon on the Mount, and we talked about them. He prayed, then I did, but I didn’t make it very far before a contraction hit and I had to stop.

We wanted to run to Sam’s Club in Macon to buy the flooring for the sunroom. I figured it was a good idea, because it would burn a few hours. We left around 10 or 11 and went there. I was quite the site: I had to squat down in the aisles or outside and breathe through my contractions! Jonathan asked if I wanted to go anywhere else, and I figured Starbucks was a good choice, because I could get an Izze juice and again, kill some time. We played checkers together in there and sat on comfy chairs, and it was a really nice time together. (I won!) But that’s all I could take. We got home near noon, thinking we had an hour until the Eagles vs Cardinals game. Unfortunately, it wasn’t on until 3, and I don’t remember much of what happened until then. I took a bath and the contractions were definitely strong and intense, but nothing was convincing enough to go to the hospital. I learned from Jonathan that the Sunday “girls night out” at Life Group was suppose to be a surprise baby shower for me! I called Kristy and talked some, she was very understanding and encouraging.

I watched the game some, with the electric blanket on me that helped some. I tried standing, squatting, laying down for contractions, but never really found one perfect way to handle them. Jonathan would see me have one, and coach me with relaxing and breathing. I tended to want to hold my breath through them, so I needed the reminder. I never really felt that the relaxing the Bradley book talks about so much could be done, especially since lying through contractions hurt a lot. But I do know that not tensing up was good. I did a little visualization, but did not need that as much. I was in and out of the bath all afternoon. The warm water did help.

We took a walk out back around 5 for maybe 30-45 minutes. It was pretty uncomfortable, walking so much over uneven terrain, but again a good change of scenery. No one tells you that labor can be so boring. Especially at the beginning, the contractions are so far apart, that all you have to do between them is wait!

After that, back inside there was more waiting and contracting. I did a little laundry, we tidied up the house some, and we debated on whether it was time to go in. This was so hard! I wanted to go in, to hear how dilated I was and how the baby was doing. But I knew it was a commitment to drive 30 minutes and maybe not be ready. A few times I told Jonathan I think I was ready, and he wasn’t sure, thought we should wait. I knew he was probably right, but I was frustrated just staying at home. I guess I was thinking if we went to the hospital and acted like this was serious, it would be (silly, I know). By 8:15ish we did decide to go in. We loaded the car up and headed out. We’d been timing them for ½ an hour, and they were coming around every 3 minutes lasting 65-75 seconds long. But just as we left the house, I had 5 minutes go between contractions! It was maddening! Jonathan said it wasn’t time, and suggested we head to Sonic instead. I agreed, and was discouraged, but glad for a change of pace. We pulled in, and while sitting there, I had 3 contractions all less than 2 minutes apart, lasting about 65 seconds long. It was time to go I guess!

We headed to Macon; I don’t remember the drive much at all. Sitting like that was so uncomfortable! Jonathan almost missed our exit. I rested/closed my eyes often between contractions. I do remember checking into OB assessment and being in a lot of pain while waiting for a room and trying to fill out paperwork! I recall scribbling my name, almost just putting an “x” down for brevity! I had been leaking a little, what I hoped was my water. They checked me for that, but it wasn’t amniotic fluid. They put me on a monitor for a while (20 minutes? 30?) and saw the contractions, and checked me for dilation (they said I was a 5, but could stretch to a 6), and agreed I should be checked in. We got a L&D room about 20 minutes after that.

The room was big enough and seemed just fine. A doctor was on call who I didn’t know. They said they’d try calling Jeri (my midwife), but I didn’t expect her to answer (she didn’t), knowing she’d taken all MLK weekend off. I showed the nurse my birth plan, and she said it looked like they could accommodate it. I got on my grey Victoria’s Secret sleep-shirt to labor in, and was glad it was so comfy, but I was cold in there! The whole night was very long. My contractions were too close together and painful to sleep through, though Jonathan was very attentive. We got the hang of contracting and I did not need much coaching during the night. Jonathan had Dirty Jobs, Beverley Hillbillies, South Park and various other programs on. While I wasn’t interested in them, the alternative (silence and him being totally bored) wasn’t attractive either. (I would plan better next time!) I tried to nap (sitting upright) for the 60-90 seconds between contractions, and he tried to get cat-naps on the couch. It was hard feeling so behind on sleep from the early morning. I would go on the fetal monitors 20 minutes on, one hour off. Baby Girl was fine. They put a hep-loc on my right hand in case I needed it for IV, and that was definitely a discomfort I wish I hadn’t had. They agreed I could stay hydrated myself, instead of an IV, which was wonderful! (Not sure I could have effectively labored with an IV!!!) I sipped water all night. The monitoring got more and more of an extreme discomfort, because I had to stay lying/sitting in bed at somewhat of an angle (about 45 degrees). The contractions were best handled squatting, sitting upright on my legs, or standing, but not laying down!

I also will say, that since Jonathan woke up that morning, in my opinion, Jonathan and I were now working together as a wholly unified team. My contractions were more intense, I was weary, and I was saying things to him like, “Maybe I do just need to get some oral/systemic pain relief, I’m so tired, and this is taking so long.” I even asked him if maybe we should just go home, since this wasn’t going anywhere (I had been checked sometime in the night and had only dilated a centimeter.) Jonathan would remind me why I wanted an unmedicated birth (for the baby’s sake and mine), and he would remind me I was speaking out of weariness and would not want him to give in. I remember him saying, “We’re not going to discuss this while you’re contracting.” So wise. He encouraged me that I was doing well, and the baby was good, and she was getting here. He was strong when I was not!

Early that morning, a new nurse came on call, who I just loved. Audrey had attended unmedicated births before, and was very happy to be with me. She was a cheerful face. The night nurse was fine, but all she did was monitor me for 20 minutes, and leave, so I didn’t mind seeing her go. Audrey would ask what I needed (I’d tell her nothing) and suggest things like, “Would you like a rag for your face? Would you like more ice in your water?” It helped so much not to have to direct anyone or think of anything! They would check on me what seemed like every half hour, and then monitor baby and me for 20 minutes on, one hour off. They really respected the privacy and little serene “place” Jonathan and I had. They would quietly ask how I was, and then leave when we told them we were fine. Jonathan was by my side most every contraction; I was physically leaning on him at times. He was working with me. When anyone would come in the room, I would immediately feel self-conscious about really “feeling” my contractions and working with them. I felt like they were cut-short of “working” several times when someone would enter the room, or be present, during a contraction. I truly felt like I could only “be myself” and really work through them with only Jonathan present. He is, after all, My Self, My Half, My Soul-Mate. I felt like we had an oasis of Togetherness - just Us – that was almost seen or understood by the nurses. I felt she would peek her head in, ask if I was ok, and quietly retreat, leaving us in charge. I really appreciate this.

Another doctor (Dr. Durso, from my practice) came on call around 7 or 8am and came by to see me. He checked and said I was dilated 7cm maybe 8. So since checking in until now (about 11 hours), knowing I had only dilated 2 cm was a bit discouraging. The doctor was positive about my progress, said he was going to go do a c-section, and he’d check on me after it. I think it was at this point I turned to Jonathan and said, “I’m a Putterer, just like the Bradley book says (Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way). That’s me.” (Little did I know my local good friend and natural childbirth advocate Kristy was saying the same thing to her husband as she got texts of my progress.)

I labored, he came by again, he did another c-section, came by in another hour. Said I was an 8, maybe 9. Thought I’d be ready after his next c-section. Around 12 I felt the urge to push. I didn’t know if I was fully dilated yet, so I knew I shouldn’t push. But it is a very hard urge to not give in to! I told Jonathan, and when the nurses came by, told them. They said to try not to push until the doctor checked if I was ready. He came by maybe 12:30 and said I was ready to push (so dilated to a 10 I guess, I never heard those words and I still wonder about it!). At this point, my water hadn’t broken, and all morning he’d been asking if I wanted it broken. I was tired, and asked if it would speed things up. He said it could, and I was pretty tired from 31 hours of contractions, so I was all up for it. He broke my water, and honestly it was like a relief! It was as if a pressure was taken off. He then told me he’d go do a c-section, and check back. At this point, they wanted me monitored continually. That seemed ok for the pushing, since I’d been pushing in a squatting position sitting on the bed anyway, and I wanted to know the baby was ok. I pushed for about an hour. Jonathan told me I was fighting the pushing. I know I was. It was really painful, and a hard muscle-sensation to master. I also had read many women like to vocalize during pushing, so Jonathan tried to coach me to do a low growl/moan, but that just felt put-on and did not feel like it helped. I also was having maybe 30 second pushing contractions, and around 15 seconds in, I’d just stop pushing and writhe around. In other words, I wasn’t letting them work much. The baby’s station had been a -1 when I started pushing. In the meantime the nurses had been coaching me a little, but they hadn’t stated that’s what they were doing, so I was just oblivious to them during pushing. They did think I was close, so they set up the whole “sterile” area/table with all the birthing instruments, gowns, etc, for them and the doctor.

Around 1:30 or 2:00 the doctor showed up with his game face on! Let me just say, he was all dressed up with no place to go! They had me at a 45 degree laying angle (not great for pushing). He watched me push for a bit, and then told me that he could try using the vacuum to get the baby out while I pushed, since it was taking so long and I seemed to be struggling (his view, implied). I was tired and wanted help at this point, so I agreed. I was definitely NOT ready, because when he just tried to get the vacuum in, while I was contracting, and nearly backed up off the bed, it hurt so much. I think I said something like, “I can’t. Stop!” He was ticked off. He then (irritated) told me that some babies are too big to come out, and this could be the case. (Even though, ironically, just 3 days before, the doctors were trying to use the fact that the ultrasound showed her small and I was measuring 4 weeks behind to tell me I should induce soon! *rolls eyes*) I told him, “I just think I need more time.” He challenged, “How much?” I did not answer, because I did not want the clock to be used against me, and I just did not know what my body would need! He said, “You can’t just hope this baby out!” He said I was fighting the pain and now the baby was in a 0 station (so she’d regressed). He said that to take the pain away, they could give me something, but that then it could numb me so much I might need pitocin to ramp up the contractions. Then, if that made things get out of control, I might just need a c-section. Jonathan and I looked at each other, dumbfounded. Why were we talking about such drastic measures? I felt a bit cornered, but I knew anything he said wasn’t what I wanted. I felt he was frustrated with me, even though I was just handing things they way I could, NOT his way! Jonathan asked him, “Is the baby in trouble or distress?” He said, “Oh no, she’s doing great. The contractions aren’t bothering her one bit.” Jonathan said, “Well, I’m a pilot, and when you’re flying you don’t talk about implementing emergency procedures when there’s no emergency.” (something like that) He said, “We’re just going to keep on what we’ve been doing.” The doctor then turned heel and strided out, spitting over his shoulder to the nurses, “(Dr) Barnes is on call,”

We were glad to be rid of him!!! I then realized that I really did need to get serious about this pushing, and pleaded if the nurses could help me. Audrey (and a nurse with her who was learning) told me she could. She said she would count to 10 three times (convenient since my contractions were 30 seconds long), and that I should breathe in the first few seconds and then just push as intensely as I could until 10, then repeat, then repeat again until the contraction was over, and to just tell her when one was coming, and when it was over (so they wouldn’t keep counting if I was done). This was probably 2:45 (I have no idea really, perhaps 3:00). I was pushing in a squatting position on the bed. It worked very well, although I definitely felt like I’d push, and then as soon as the push was over, the baby would “slip back”. I knew I’d read that in the Bradley book, it was sometimes 1 step forward, 2 steps back. It just felt like if I could have a contraction, and really hold it, I would get her out. But I could feel that if I pushed beyond when a contraction had ended, it did nothing! I felt that. I knew I’d just need them close enough together, or the baby far enough down that I could not disengage the pushing, that the birth canal and her would take over and cause me to just push her out.

At some point (maybe 4:00) they called Dr. Barnes at the office and told him to head over, because I was giving birth. I heard him ask who was delivering, and not know who I was (haha). (I was Jeri’s patient, but the office did require you see the two OBs at least once during your prenatals. I’d seen him at least 4 times.) I guess, because of the earlier event, I did not think calling a doctor over was really a sure sign I was ready to deliver. He came over quickly, and recognized me. I was in maybe a 75 degree angle on the bed, it seemed ok. He chatted a little, and I pushed. I don’t remember what he said, but he did offer to use the vacuum, saying it could help. I really had begun to feel like I couldn’t just push her head out, and I was exhausted, so I agreed to this help. Fortunately, I was much readier than before, and he waited until her head was close to crowning (or crowning, I don’t know!), and put it on. I never felt it go on (again, so much different than earlier). I remember Audrey telling him I did not want an episiotomy, and I agreed out loud. I think they told me to try on the next contraction, so when it started, I just pushed with everything I me, I held the push and started to feel a baby (it felt huge) coming out of my body! It required a lot of sustaining that push, and at this point, the adrenaline took over and just feeling my baby come out and knowing This Was It. It all happened so fast. I remember Jonathan telling me, “I see her!” And then there she was. Our Elyana Ruth. 4:17pm. They handed her to me, just like I asked, and I held her while the cord was pulsing. I then was still contracting a bit, and handed her off to Jonathan, as I felt distracted. They cut the cord in a few minutes (after it stopped pulsing, just like I asked), and then the doctor gently tugged on the cord to get the placenta out. I had in my birth plan I didn’t want this, but at the time, I really just wanted it out. It felt like it was just in there, and I wanted to feel empty/relieved of it. It came out a few minutes later, and as I looked at it, I said, “Wow, gross!” The doctor laughed. I guess I just never realized how bloody it would be. I felt so happy and jovial; I was just talking away with him while Jonathan held the baby and they weighed her (7lb 13 oz) and did the APGAR. The doctor did tell me I had a 2^nd degree tear, and I said I was ok with that. He sewed me up, and I didn’t care about the tiny pain one bit!

Then, oh joy of joys, a few minutes after birth, Jonathan brought me little Elyana Ruth again! She was swaddled in a blanket, with a little hat on her head. She had big, beautiful eyes, was contentedly looking around, and she was mine! I was instantly in love. I brought her to me to breastfeed, and she latched on almost immediately. I just lay there, her in my arms, overwhelmed at the joy and love and preciousness of this life! I couldn’t believe it, her was my sweet baby, being comforted at my skin, being nourished by me. I was overwhelmed. She was maybe 10 minutes old, and the nurses told me they would want to take her to the nursery for the Vitamin K shot and a little observation under the heat lamps, around an hour old. So I nursed her for 20 minutes on each side, and just held that precious bundle. They came back in, and told me it had been an hour (it went so quick!). I asked couldn’t I it wait a little longer, but they said it was preferred now. I knew I just didn’t want her to leave me, but Jonathan took her and stayed with her the whole time, which was not long (15 minutes?). When I got her back, I held her for hours, and just wondered in amazement over our child. I was on a high the entire night, so exhilarated, not going to bed until 11pm (so 42 hours awake), with her right next to me, utterly taken with our baby. I was so in love! I held on to that day, basking in all we had worked for and been given. Our Elyana Ruth.

Life in New Mexico On Base

2010-09-08T22:12:00.000-05:00

Life here is so busy, so full, and really overall wonderful!

Our move was challenging, but really good! We'll know on the other side whether our stuff suffered too much, of course, but Part 1 went excellently. 3 (women) packers came at 11am on Thursday (I think they said they'd come at 9). We always get a man for the garage, so I was unhappy about that. Now, the thing is, you're committed to being around as long as they are. So with so few people, and such a late start, I knew it would be a long day. Just not so long as it turned out, which was after 11pm. As it turned out, Elyana got to sleep in her own crib, since the packers didn't disassemble it. The movers called Friday to tell us they weren't going to come until 2pm. As it turned out, it wasn't until after 7pm! There were 5 guys, working hard, but the house couldn't stay cool, so I couldn't put Elyana to bed until they were done (after 11pm). She and I went and visited three neighborhood friends, and she got just silly and wild with being overtired. It was so funny! She did finally sleep in her peapod. Over the next 4 days, we worked on getting the house cleaned, fixed up, and completely ready to rent. As it was, we got a renter that wanted to move in two days after we moved out! Utterly amazing and more than we could have asked for, or deserved. We took photos of the house Wednesday morning after getting it completely vacated, and after 3 1/2 years, it really looked brand new still!

Our Road Trip Out West consisted of 5 days of driving.

Day 1 - GA to New Orleans, LA - 8 1/2 hours without stops. Utterly perfect. Elyana slept like a champ, played wonderfully as well. We split the driving a little, gained an hour as well. Arrived before dinner into a fabulous hotel! Went out for amazing seafood at Red Fish Grill (Rum Flamed Shrimp!), then walked around NOLA, down to a park on the water. Jonathan bought me a beautiful carnival mask and Elyana a teddy bear she's in love with.

Day 2 - Elyana woke up at 4:30am ready to go! She wanted to see the ceramic blue cows in the lobby. So she and I went down to play and get a Starbucks breakfast together until Jonathan woke. I got my coffee, she got milk and an apple bran muffin. She played so well! By the time he got up, and we got packed, we were on the road headed to Surrey Cafe for Bananas Foster French Toast and Nova Lox. Alas, we got there at 7:15 (as Elyana was ready to doze off), and they didn't open til 8. Jonathan wanted to get on the road, I knew E wouldn't last, so we headed instead to Cafe du Monde for beignets and cafe au lait. Really were good and a great start to the day. Elyana did perfect again, so happy.We arrived in San Antonio around 6 at our dear friend's the Ortiz's house. Had dinner, the kids played so well, and everyone got a great night's sleep.

Day 3 - Just fun! We played at the park, went swimming, played tons of games inside, and the children enjoyed one another so much (Elyana (19mos) and Eliza(4) especially got along). That night we also got to go to Alamo Cafe with our old LifeGroup leader/family where were treated and, again, had such a great time! The whole day could NOT have been more perfect. All the fellowship was so sweet!

Day 4 - Started the day with my friend R's homemade Huckleberry Scones - with fresh picked huckleberries all the way from Spokane! Left San Antonio around lunchtime, with a visit to Rudy's on the way out. Drove 5 hours to Pecos,TX. Elyana, again, just a dream-baby. Arrived, unpacked, and went swimming to cool off! We all had so much fun, and it was a great way to relax after the drive. Had some local Mexican, played in the room, and then bed.

Day 5 - Only 5 hours left to Holloman AFB, NM. Turned out to be good, because about 1-2 hours from the base, Elyana was done in the car. I'd not done a good job planning the morning, and we'd left right after breakfast. So all total, she did not get much "run-around" time. I'd usually give her 3 hours awake before heading out to drive, as well as plenty of exercise. I hadn't, so she would not sleep in the car, thus the boredom 3-4 hours into the drive. Still, she was good, the drive was good, and Jonathan and I were pages away from finishing the book we'd been reading aloud the last few days, David Livingstone: Man of Prayer and Action (riveting). We arrived, another hour gained, got set up, unpacked, and went to the store for food.

The TLF is just one bedroom/one bathroom, but it's enough room for us, since we rearranged some things.

Our days here have been so happy and full. I'll update in a few days with what they look like.

Elyana as well is just blossoming in every area. She has mastered over 100 words, with new ones daily! Her pronunciation is very good. She is very compliant and obedient (parents often remark how much of a good listener she is). She has clear ideas of what she likes to do and eat, read or sleep with. She will respond when we ask her to give a cheerful face and happy heart. So much that she does just steals our heart. She is more precious every day, and really amazes us with her intelligence. We are a very happy little family right now!

Cloth Diapers - Part 2

2010-07-26T22:26:00.001-05:00

I am pretty concerned with all the chemicals that are in disposable diapers, but I do not want to make anyone feel bad for choosing that. I will just say, it might pay to spend an hour online researching what is put into disposable diapers. Then think about that being next to your child's skin for 24 hours a day, for 2-3 years. It's scary. I certainly put the effort into trying to feed my child as natural food as possible. I try to make what I can, and buy food with as few ingredients as possible. I make sure to but natural bug spray, sunscreen, lotion, baby wash. Those are used far less. Just a thought. I'd be happy to share my findings as well, it's concerning to say the least what's in disposables and what it could be doing to your child's body.

As far as ecological sustainability and resourcefulness, it's definitely a winner. There are SO many areas I'd like to progress (like rainwater catching - especially living in Nevada!), so I am not here to say I'm where I want to be. But it's one thing I feel prudent choosing.

So, to wrap up the Cloth Diaper entries, I've got to make the argument for cuteness!!!!

Honestly, I love her diaper changes! I love looking at all my choices, and being able to match with her outfits, the cuteness is just so fun! Who would have throught diaper changes could be something to look forward to? I can put a cute little Winnie the Pooh dress on her, and choose to match the main yellow color, or draw out the accent dark or light greens, or blues. Ah choices! It's just fun. And I believe the Big Names in disposables must be taking notice at all the cloth options out there, because look what's just come out... Designer Diapers by Pampers!!! And how pricey... :) I want to laugh when looking at $15 for 26 size 3 diapers!

I do admit that when I had fewer diapers (less than 18), I was a bit dragged down by doing laundry so frequently (every day or ever other day). But now, I rarely think of it as "more" laundry. The most "inconvenient" is when visiting others' houses, just because I don't like having to figure out how to commandeer someone else's washer enough to wash diapers through two cycles. But that's it.

I feel like there is a bit of a steep learning curve when you have never seen a cloth diapers, and you google "cloth diaper" and wander into kellyscloset.com or diapers.com. But I don't think I can do a better job of laying out all the types of cloth diapering out there. So just go here and you can see the table, and click further into examples of each one.

I will say, I think Pocket Diapers are the easiest. These Diapers come in "One Size" (with snaps to change the size to S, M, or L) or in XS,S,M,L. There it an outer "shell" made of a waterproof material (called PUL). Then a microfiber/fleece/hemp "insert" is tucked into the pocket on the inside of the diaper (you can double for extra dryness like bedtime). These diapers are either closed with Velcro or Snaps.

I own 15 Velcro (sometimes called Aplix) and 5 Snap. I would honestly recommend each person keep a diaper stash of half of each. Then based on your child's age and your preference, you can use what's best. Here's my breakdown:

Pros to Velcro: It's faster on/off. This is so helpful for the newborn who is crying at every diaper change, or the wiggly infant at that new crawling stage! Also, you can customize the fit perfect to your child

Cons to Velcro: It wears out faster, will need replacing between 18-24 months of use (depending on how picky you are).

Pros to Snaps: Won't wear out (not even sure when the snaps eventually "die").

Cons to Snaps: Take a longer time getting on/off (2-3 times as long). Fit may be too snug or loose, since you use pre-set spacing.

For example, Elyana can take off looser velcro now, so if I put her to bed in a gown, I will make sure she's in a snap diaper!

Want proof of the cuteness???? Here's a picture I snapped of what diapers I had for her the other day... Not all in her stash (I've got some duplicate colors), but these are all the colors she has! Dark Green, Light Green, Dark Blue, Light Blue, Yellow, Buttercup, Dark Pink, Light Pink, Purple, Brown, Red Daisy, Purple Daisy! I get happy just seeing the pretty colors. And 90% of these are over 18 months old! Can you see the wear?!

Want to Save $1400 per child in diapers???

2010-07-06T21:05:00.005-05:00

I have finally, finally done the math on what kind of money you save with cloth diapering your child. It's astounding. I knew it was over $1000 per child, I just didn't get the numbers exactly. So I think it never hit me how huge the savings could be. (Next post will detail types of cloth diapers - too cute/pretty!)

I'm going to show you the exact math for what it cost me. These numbers will change a bit and depending on what cloth diapers you get, and how many you get. But in general, these statistics will be very close to how much you will save (I don't say can save, I say will!).

I did not know how much a family spends on diapers a month, because that will hugely depend on what brand they choose, how many their child goes through, and what kind of deals they get (Costco/Sam's Club, Coupons, etc). I just took a $75 average that I got from looking on a website that had families listing their costs as $60 to $100 a month.

So, let's break it down. Here's what I actually have spent by having my daughter in diapers for almost 18 months now. I wash every other day (although I initially bought only 12 diapers and washed every single day for 9+ months).

$291.63 - 18 Diapers (All One-Size Pocket Diapers like BumGenius, Fuzzi Bunz, Happy Heineys)
$37.05 - 2 Planetwise Wetbags (One is plenty, I just like to have two)
$15.39 - One Year's Worth of increase in Water Bill from Washing
$15.00 - One Year's Worth of Free & Clear Detergent (estimate)

So my initial cost setting up cloth diapering was $359.07. Each year I pay $30.39 in water bills and detergent costs to wash my diapers. I can't say how much my power bill increased, but I only dry the diaper liners, about 30-45 minutes, so that's not a lot there.

This makes my TOTAL COSTS as follows:
$359.07 - Year One Of Cloth Diapering Child #1
$ 30.39 - Year Two of Cloth Diapering Child #1

Add another baby? Your diapers will still be usable! Places like BumGenius even give you free replacement kits to replace the velcro and elastic on your diapers (I just did that with 2 I'd bought used and it was easy and awesome)!

So, TOTAL COSTS added to another baby?
$ 30.39 - Year One of Cloth Diapering Child #2
$ 30.39 - Year Two of Cloth Diapering Child #2

This is opposed to disposable diapering your child. My numbers using $75/month on diapers.
$ 900 - Year One Of Disposable Diapering Child #1
$ 900 - Year Two of Disposable Diapering Child #1

Add another baby? Buy everything again:
$ 900 - Year One of Disposable Diapering Child #2
$ 900 - Year Two of Disposable Diapering Child #2

Final cost to cloth diapering one child for two years? $389.46
Final cost to cloth diapering two children for two years? $480.63

Final cost to disposable diapering one child for two years? $1800
Final cost to disposable diapering two children for two years? $3600

Savings for cloth diapering one child for two years? $1410.54
Savings for cloth diapering two children for two years each? $3119.37

Videos

2010-03-31T23:30:00.002-05:00

Two short videos of Elyana. She uses Help twice in one (when she closes the calculator) and once in the other when he tea pot is playing the wrong song... It's hard to get her to "act" for the camera.... :) She uses it a lot, but well, you know how children are on camera....

In case you can't see the embedded video below, you can go here....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SZmbsdE70c
and here: http://www.youtube.com/v/YMpaLo2EdMQ&hl=en&fs=1

Sign Language - She's getting it!

2010-03-30T22:14:00.000-05:00

What is exciting is how quickly Elyana is understanding and applying sign language now. She babbles constantly... I mean, she just talks and talks and talks. Which I adore. But I can't understand most of it.

I read a lot from different websites, and I bought and read Sign With Your Baby when she was 6 months old. I immediately started to implement working specifically on modeling "More" to her and making her hands form the sign. I knew it would take a while, and that patiences and persistence were key. I knew there was no time limit for it taking "too long" for her to grasp. I would use a few other signs to her, when they came into normal conversation, but I was mainly trying to just work on that one first. My reading had told me that there wasn't much point to starting before 6 months, because babies don't have a ton of memory to recall something like that, at that point. I had also learned that with patient persistence a baby will usually start signing back around 9-10 months. Haha.

Well, my darling girl did it at 13 months!!! Oh but the joy of that hard-earned "more" was deligthful! She understood very quickly that signing "more" to us got her more of whatever her little mouth was craving... Strawberries, puffs, blueberries, bites of Momma/Daddy's food.... Basically, by about 2-3 days into using it, we called it her "magic word", because she would very feverishly and intensely sign "more" if we weren't giving her what she wanted (specifically with cookies or chocolate or anything sweet that she wanted). We figured she thought if she used it enough, she would get more!!! Very funny. And a little heartbreaking because I wanted to give her more and reward her diligent use of her sign language. But alas, teaching "No" is pretty important.

With "more" well at hand, I started intorducing more to see what she would pick up. I showed her "All Done", "Banana", "Strawberry", "Hurt", "Help", "Book" and "Shoes". She would do banana, strawberry, and shoes back to us, but not all the time, and sloppily. (They are more precise than all-done, to be honest.) Then, about two weeks after she got "more", she got "All Done." What a joy to be able to ask her when she's regusing food if she's all done, or if she just wants more of (fill-in-the-blank). As a mother that was so helpful.

But our favorite sign? The one she got only days after all-done? HELP!!! Oh my goodness, this one is a lifesaver for both her whining and my relationship with her. We used a revised version of Help that's easier for a baby, and she really understood that one. She started using it when her ball was trapped. No more whining for it to get my attention, she just stood there patiently and silently, and signed "help." Over and over and over! The she used it when a toy of hers was playing the wrong song. Or when she wanted to get in her toy car, but couldn't. I saw her in the back of the car, in her carseat, quietly signing "help" because she'd dropped her book!

If I could, I would recommend every mother teach their child this sign very early on. We use the word "help" a lot, so it was a concept she understood easily. It melts my heart to see my little baby signing for my help - and to see the relief and delight on her face when I say, "You need Momma's help?", well that's even better. A 14-month old really does have an intense desire to be understood, and they are so happy and fulfilled when this occurs.

She has started just today and yesterday to use 3 other signs. "Eat", "Excuse me" (when she burps), and "Hurt".

Just wanted to share what she's up to... As well as encourage any one out there who wants to try it....

Receptive Language

2010-03-18T21:48:00.006-05:00

I have been reading about this lately, and it interests me so much! I have been delighted and impressed with Elyana's understanding and communication with me/us. It is something I've been very intentional about, but this being my first child, I am not sure how much is attributable to her ability, and how much is attributable to my work. But I am eager to share what we've done and where we are currently with her language development.

Since Elyana was newborn I have talked to her and read to her a lot. All sorts of things. I would explain:

- what I was doing while I held/wore her - and why. (cooking, laundry, getting the mail, making coffee). Ex: "Momma is sauteeing onion to put in the bread for dinner." "Momma is washing our dirty cloths, look at the Georgia red clay." "Let's see if anything fun is in the mailbox. What a sunny day outside!")
- detail-by-detail what I was doing with her and why (bathing, diapering, swaddling, dancing) Ex: "Momma is soaping up your feet now to make them smell all nice." "Let's get you all swaddled in the white swaddle blanket with the sheep on it so you can be all cozy." "Listen! It's Yo-Yo Ma playing Bach's Cello Suites. Let's dance."
- what we were seeing as we were out and about (walking, grocery shopping, driving) Ex: "Oh, it's Christmas, look at the ornaments hanging from the ceiling." "Blood oranges are on sale, let's buy them to eat." "Do you hear that bird chirp? That's a bobwhite quail!"
- when I was looking for something. I often would ask "Where is your...." and then fill in the blank with paci, shoes, hat, a book title, of particular toy. I'd also do this when I was looking for something of mine!
- I talk to her about how much I loved her, about her birth story, about how she was conceived, about how much I love her Daddy, about how sad I was when her Daddy was deployed ... basically, I just shared my heart at different times.
- I share the Gospel with her... I talk to her about Jesus, and about his life on earth. I talk about His ultimate sacrifice, His perfect sinless life, our need for Atonement, His Ultimate Love. I talk about how God reveals Himself to us through Nature and Beauty... so we pay LOTS of attention to nature.
- I read, read, read to her. Since she was very young (2 months old? I know people start earlier, but that's when I first did it.) I read everything. We have tons of books. Some days we only go through about 5 together, other days it's 30! From books with pictures with one-word-per-page, to books with entire story-lines and few pictures (still toddler-appropriate). I read a chapter from the Bible to her aloud each day. I read the menu to her at restaurants. At 11 months old, she started to read books to herself. She'd sit down, go through the pages, and "talk" about them. Now she will choose which books she wants us to read, and which she wants to go through by herself.
- I have always assumed she understands more that I probably think, but I've never required it of her.

All this is to say, she now currently can and will (some of the following she's been doing for months, but this is just a compilation):

- Understand and obey two-stage requests ("Find your shoes and bring them to mommy." or "Get your hippo and put him in the basket.")
- Find a book by its title and bring it to us. (She's been choosing between 2 books since she was 7 mos old)
- Understand and obey me with "no's" (no walking in the street, no touching the candles)
- She remembers past experiences and relates them. Ex. She will see a fire in a restaurant and say "hhhhooo" for "hot" and understand it's a no-touch.
- I start off all my fun sentences very slowly and quietly with "Elyana, would you like to...." and she snaps her head to me intently. She knows it is something fun!!! It's usually ended with "watch Baby Dance" "have a cookie" "go outside"....etc.
- She understands "Help" and will sign it to me for at least a half dozen circumstances daily. This one is so huge to me, because it is clearly an understanding that whatever is frustrating her, her momma will fix if she asks. Whereas before it was just a whine and a general pointing, now she'll clearly get near the object she is having a problem with, and sign "help," knowing that I will come fix it for her!!! If it's a toy she's closed and can't reopen, or a ball that's stuck, her toy playing the wrong song, or her dropped paci... She can tell me and know I'll fix it.

These are a few of many ways we've been working on communication (both ways). I try very hard to consistently work on something new with Elyana every few days/weeks (depending on how hard it is for her). For example, we've always used "no touch" to mean for her not to even go near something. Today, we worked on 'no touch with your hand, but you may step on it' (it was a puddle of water). We have worked on "wait" a long time, because that's such a hard concept. But I don't care how fast she grasps them, so long as I am working with her.

I think our children are capable of so much more than we give them credit for, or opportunity. But it's not something necessary to work on, I just enjoy it so much. I have just ordered a book I read good reviews on called The Philosophical Baby. I am eager to read what it has to say about my child's developing mind.

Healthy Children's Snacks To-Go?

2010-03-09T22:33:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how you all manage when you're out-and-about, but I've found that an integral part of a successful shopping trip is having food for the baby! I try to always have some in my purse, as well as in the car. I like to keep it in the house for when we plan to go on long walks or play dates at parks. But I have found that for a 13 month old (and younger, I've been doing this for a while), she still can't just take a piece of fruit to munch on.... (Also, those don't store so well long-term in the purse.) So I have found I need easy snacks that are baby-friendly (8 front teeth, 2 molars)... BUT healthy! The healthy part really is difficult. There are plenty of kid snacks out there, but they've got sugar, HFCS, oils and unpronounceable processed stuff in them. No thanks!

So, here are some of my go-to's... Can you all please share what you have found that works? please think stuff that works in a purse/diaper bag so she can eat it in a grocery cart or stroller.... :)

Lara Bar - if I pick out the few large almonds (usually only 4-5 per bar), she just loves these. Totally raw.

Peter Rabbit Organic Fruit pouches - Discovered these at Starbucks. We adore the just-blended-taste! (Plum Organics also makes these, I just haven't found in a store them yet.)

Suzie's Thin Cakes Puffed Multigrain Cakes - likewise, she loves unsalted rice cakes. But boy do they make a mess in the car or in the carpet! :)

String cheese - Easy to get. Glad for protein.

So now.... weigh in with something you know of that is a healthy snack that a young toddler could eat on-the-go.

Happy 1st Birthday Elyana Ruth!!!

2010-03-01T22:09:00.001-05:00

Our little girl is now One Year Old!!!

This year has been so amazing, and wonderful, and joy upon joy with her in our lives. I remember the years of pain, and the years of not knowing if I'd hold a baby of Jonathan and my making. I remember the ache as I looked at women around me carrying their babies, nursing them, comforting and loving them... I remember crying often for what my heart was aching for. I remember receiving prayer, words of comfort, words of faith, and many scriptures with God's character and purposes to me. And now, I look at my child, and my heart overflows with gratefulness. Her presence lights up my days and nights!

Her personality comes out each day. She loves outside, animals, books, music, dancing, her parents, and lots of little things I have forgotten! She gets a cute obsession about her passions... For example, for months it was dogs! Every single dog picture she took note of, every dog stuffed animal she wanted to hold, and every real dog got squeals of delight and endless chasing! This was from about September to January. Then toward the end of January it became all about birds! Oh the fun she has! We keep two feeders outside the kitchen and she can watch doves, goldfinches, purple finches, sparrows, and cardinals come eat. She can spot them in a tree and will point until we can acknowledge where it is! She says "buur" for bird and "Caaa" for cardinal (the red male ones she sees). Of course I think she's so smart!

Music she asks for every single morning. She can find the remote and often turn it on. She is over-the-top in love with Classical Baby The Dance Show. Mostly because it combines two of her favorite things: dancing with her momma or daddy, and music!!! If she finds the DVD, she will push it in our faces asking for us to put it on! So adorable! Besides Your Baby Can Read, it's the only DVD she's seen so far.

Over my December stay at my parents' house, she started reading books to herself! Now she will often just want to pick out books and go through them herself. It's a welcome growth, as it gives me a few minutes to do other things and I know she is choosing to entertain herself that way, and not just pining away unhappily while momma is busy! She still loves being read to, but her favorite books change almost every other week.

She loves watching me to Itsy Bitsy Spider. She'll try the motions a little. She will come in on the "oh-oh-oh-oh-oxen" part of the short vowel song. She can make a (muffled) "woof" for dog and "ur-ur-ur-ur-uh" for a chicken. She loves chickens/roosters currently. She seems to say a TON of words, we're just not sure how much she understands (she impersonates very well). Yesterday she said "Hannah" when she was swinging with her friend Hannah. Lots of times two of us hear her say something and we're shocked at how well she enunciates. But it's usually a one-time word, and we don't hear it again much.

She signs now!!! Her first one was (of course!) "More"! How proud I was! This was in early February. She will do a sloppy "All Done" and "Help" and "Banana" and "Toilet" that's about it. I've worked on "Nurse" and "Drink" a lot as well as not-so-faithfully: book, bedtime, please. I was just so happy she got "more" I felt like such a success!!! We call it her "magic word" because for a while she was so insistent at it that she figured if she used it enough, she'd get what she wanted!

She loves eating. She sees Daddy pour his cereal each morning and she goes to sit next to him and eat bites. So sweet! She isn't a picky eater, but she especially adores blueberries (almost as much as chocolate!), cheese (especially string), peas, borscht.

As you can tell, she's a delight and a handful and we wouldn't change life at all. There's a ton more to say, but mostly from a mothering perspective, so I'll leave that for later.

Now I'm going to just put pictures of each of her months in her first year of life!

Newborn.... the bliss!!!! Seriously!

1 Month Old.

Loved the Sleep-n-Play outfits! We lived for those little segments of time she was awake and interactive!

2 Months Old

Smiling regularly, Loves to be in momma's wrap, loves baths.

3 Months Old

Hates tummy time, loves paci and swaddling

4 Months Old

A delight. Travels 6 hrs in car ok. Schedule-lover. Naps great. Loves swimming. Loves books.

5 Months Old

Loves Daddy home! Sits up easily, has specific favorite books. Loves interaction.

6 Months Old

First shots, stranger anxiety, loves this little car, loves her cousins.

....and first two teeth!!!

7 Months Old

Beach bunny! Hated that 2nd tooth, disrupted sleep for 10 days! Was cranky all the time for 5 weeks!!! Toilet trained.

8 Months Old

Still love the car, love swings, love sandboxes, grass, outsides. CRAWLS!

9 Months Old

Avid dog lover, outside lover, crawler.

10 Months Old

Cat for Halloween! Very attached to momma!!! Hates being separated.

...tries to eat leaves when we're not looking. (Very obedient!)

11 Months Old

Say bye to Daddy again... really develop an attachment to him. Adore books! All day long!

...and have my first Christmas!!! AND CAN WALK WELL NOW!!!

ONE YEAR OLD!!!!!!!!!!

Deployment #4 Underway

2009-11-30T10:57:00.002-05:00

I have little to write right now, just that we're in the beginning of Deployment #4 and, as expected, this is harder than any other separation. I love Jonathan so much, my love for him has grown so exponentially, that this ripping apart just doesn't get easier.

We have a God who loves us all, and promises strength and grace for each day... and new mercies every morning. He is not unmoved by our frailness, and He is near to the brokenhearted. Right now, I cling to those truths.

And I cling to the beautiful pictures of all our final happy moments.

Breastfeeding!

2009-11-25T15:49:00.001-05:00

What to say? Too much!!! I usually just post journal-like entries. But then I rarely post about thoughts on my mind, of which there are many!

I'm going to post about breastfeeding. About my personal journey, but also some very good things to know. Probably because it is dear to my heart. Also because my friend Emily posted recently and I enjoyed it. Also because I don't think there can ever be too many women learning about this and encouraging others about how normal and wonderful it is (101 Reasons to Breastfeed). Before I start, my friend Carolyn has written a much more concise 10 Tips for Breastfeeding Moms. Read that if you don't have time for my post!

(Before Beginning: I don't want to offend anyone, especially those of my friends who have really tried and were not able to continue very long. I know some of you it was in your heart to do, and it just did not happen. I admire your fortitude, and I don't want this to hurt you since I know you feel you haven't gotten to enjoy something you desired. This post hopefully will not upset you, that's my very last intent!)

In our society today, not much information is given on breastfeeding unless you are looking for it. You really have to educate yourself about it. Breastfeeding may be difficult and challenging at first, and if you are unprepared for how to overcome obstacles, you may give up needlessly!

Your hospital may or may not have a lactation consultant, to help you begin your journey, if you're a first time mother. Read books like The New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding or Breastfeeding Make Simple. Go to sites like this. Learn before you give birth, but read often those first few weeks as well!

Know that your first few hours with your new baby are pretty crucial to creating a connection to your baby and developing the breastfeeding bond. Breastfeeding is the closest, most intimately special, comforting, nourishing thing you can do with your baby! You want to nurse as soon after their birth as possible, even if it's a short time. Babies will naturally do this (although, they may need help doing it right). Be aware that after delivery, well-meaning nurses, family, and friends will tell the new labor-tired mother, "You need sleep" as they urge her to send the baby off to the nursery for hours so momma can rest. You easily could miss the baby's first cues for hunger or comfort. Even after an exhausting (natural) labor, your body is ready and able to respond to your child. Sleep is something you can get when your baby is sleeping, but it should not take place over their well-being. I think this is a misguided help people are trying to offer, and new moms who don't know better may not know what to do (respond to baby or to their exhaustion & everyone's advice). Keep your baby nearby, respond to their rooting/stirring/fists in mouth, and any other hunger cues. If the baby is crying, you have waited too long, for they are past hungry! Crying is the last resort to an infant needing food. Learn your little one! You more than anyone else in the world have been designed for this!

Also, newborns are notorious sleepy-heads. You will have to work to make sure your baby stays awake during a feeding, and doesn't sleep too many hours at a time so they nurse frequent enough. I set an alarm my baby's first night of life to make sure she never went more than 3 hours without eating at night. I continued this the first few weeks. Whenever she gave the smallest inclination to eat, I fed her. Throw away the foolish idea to "Never wake a sleeping baby!" They should be nursing 10-12 times a day at least! You cannot over-feed your newborn!!! Frequent feeding helps your milk come in. Even though I was feeding my baby approx every 2 hours, my milk did not come in until 4 days after she was born. But I did not worry or fret, because she was getting enough dirty and wet diapers and had no signs of dehydration (learning about this, educating yourself, will help you become a more confident breastfeeding mother). I had the pedi check her at 3 days old as well. She was getting colostrum at least. Know when to worry and act, and yet educate yourself so you don't shipwreck yourself by acting on unfounded fears. A good pediatrician will support breastfeeding first, and will want you to call at the least concern! Try not to get one you will be fighting with on your early breastfeeding choices.

Don't even try to get your baby onto a sleep schedule! That is just not even recommended until your milk supply is well established and your baby is gaining weight well to even start trying to schedule them. I didn't try until she was 3 months old (and even then, I fed her whenever she woke at night, I just tried to get her into regular napping). Am I clear? Sleeping, and especially scheduled sleeping, is secondary in importance to establishing a healthy baby with good easting habits. This means you personally putting the child's feeding first before your own sleep, errands, etc.

If you want problems, introduce a pacifier too often/too early (I'd say before your baby is a month old, but I don't really know). They are too little to discern nipple differences, and you will be taking away the child's opportunity to comfort nurse (nursing just for the comfort the sucking and closeness to you gives them). Comfort nursing stimulates your milk production, and continues the bond between you and baby.

You need to become aware of what a good latch looks like, but also discern between a baby sucking and drinking. There is a difference. A baby can be at the breast, sucking, and getting little nutrition for hours! You need to watch that they are drinking, that the chin is coming down to intake the milk (suck - swallow, or suck-suck-suck-swallow before your milk comes in). There are a bunch of great videos that show the difference on here (if you're offended by nursing uncovered, by all means don't go here, but it's important that a mother knows how to identify good nursing).

A breast-pump can be your best friend. Even if you just get a hand-pump, you want to be able to express milk when your baby hasn't taken enough, when you have a reason to be out and need your baby to have a bottle of it ready, or when you are trying to get over a breast infection. Don't assume you won't need one.

Challenges will occur. But if you arm yourself with knowledge, you have a much higher chance of succeeding. Milk production is something you were made to do for your child. Ask, read, and know other mothers have gone through what you may be experiencing. It may come easy or hard, but if you get over the "hard" initial few weeks, you will then be on the other end where breastfeeding is so much easier than bottle. You will experience the amazing love that outpours when you nurse your child. When the oxytocin is released as your baby nurses and your milk lets down, you will feel overcome with the happiest most in-love feeling for your baby. It is a joyful emotional high unlike any other (to be a little bold here, the closest thing I can liken it to is an orgasm... not as good, but just such a rush of wonderful feelings all at once!) You will fall in love with your sweet-smelling, cooing little innocent newborn all over again as you cradle their little head in your arms and provide for their tummies.

I have a 10 month old, and I treasure our little night nursings. Even when she wakes up at 11, 2, 3, 4, and 6 to nurse (like the last few nights - ah teething!) I don't even mind it, because she's so satisfied and comforted by our little time in the chair in her room. (She gets back to more regular feeding once they break through, and I am grateful for uninterrupted sleep.) :)

Do not think of what you are "missing" by having to nurse your baby (sleep, vacation time, family functions, "socialization", etc). Do what you can to forget all that and be a joyful mother in the "now". Your child will feed off your emotions.
(Little story: I found that if I were tense or creating endless "to-do" lists for myself as I nursed Elyana at night, she would get agitated. But I learned to stop, take deep breaths, and envision quiet/sleepy thoughts going from my head into her as I nursed, she was asleep and peaceful in minutes. It was amazing.)

Ok, I'm done for now. Do know that even if you can only nurse your baby a few weeks or months, you are giving them the best start! It's better to do something than nothing! Feel free to always email me personally if you want to talk more. I am STILL learning myself, but I feel it's such an important thing for mothers and babies, I couldn't not write.

Word Recognition!

2009-11-04T11:10:00.001-05:00

Just a little tidbit because I'm so excited about this!

So obviously you know that your child understands some words. At 9 months old, I've never been sure how much Elyana knows. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, she's understood the word "Nurse" for months!! And "no", for a long time. And "book" (or "bookie"). And "light" ("Where's the light? And she points!). But (as far as I can generally recall) beyond that, I have only been able to assume/guess at other words (I know she understands in other ways, like gestures. If I tell her to wave, and do it, she will too. If I show her my wrap/sling, she gets very happy and lunges toward me to be put in it. Etc.) Perhaps she understands "outside", "Dada", "music", because she seems to have recognition over half the time when I use those.

BUT... today we were playing her "Your Baby Can Read" DVD (the 2nd time she's ever seen it, actually), and when it got to "dog" she started excitedly bouncing up and down like she does and kind-of panting (can you tell she loves dogs?!). I was so thrilled. Then it got to "cat" and she did her now-typical fussing/upset/no-like noise she does when she sees a cat on a book or in person or when we "meow." Wow! And just to be sure, when those words came up again, same reaction! No reactions to any other words.

I know this is small, but it made me happy to know that she is grasping words I don't even realize! I talk to her a lot, and I know even moreso that's important.

Just a happy little tidbit from my day!

Elyana - at 9 Months. And Life.

2009-10-31T11:07:00.000-05:00

What to say...

Elyana is 9 months old! At her appointment, I had to fill out a developmental form and go through all these things they wanted to know if she's doing at this age. Checked them all off, except I'm not sure I've seen her use a toy to bang against another toy (J says he's seen it). She's eating like she should (both nursing and baby/table foods), weighing 19 lbs! She just changes so much every day! Such as:
- Can identify words & the objects they go with. For example, if I ask for a book (and use a title sometimes) she will go get it for me. She will point to a "light" if we ask her to. She loves lights!
- She will wave hi/bye at request. She said "ba-ba", but only to Aunt Karen and her daddy, and has dropped its use for now. The waving is so cute!
- She found her shadow a little over a month ago (which she LOVES), but now she will wave at it (and mine)! We see it outside, but she even found it inside where a lamp was casting it on the floor. She is so observant, she surprises me with it!
- She has started going "oooh" at things she likes... pictures on her book pages, my pretty jewelry, my coffee make, dogs, trees, wind: pretty much anything she thinks is fun or nice!
- She is still doing wonderfully with using a toilet. We'll have 1 or 2 dirty diapers a week, during a nap or that we missed. Even Jonathan can tell when she needs to go, he's pointed it out to me a number of times. Love this! (I don't even really intend on trying to train her from wetting the diapers for a long time. That's just something I'm not sure she or I are ready for. She will use the toilet to do that, but it's more incidentally b/c she's already going to go.)
- She stands alone for up to 5 seconds now. :)
- She's totally changed her "favorite" books. Seriously, she had 3-4 ones she loooooved, and a night-night book as well. Well she won't sit for any of those anymore. It happened overnight. She has a one new favorite book and one new favorite night-night book. And other ones she may sit for, but not the old favorite. It's so funny, a bit odd, and I'm getting bored of her new favorite. She also fusses if we use animal noises anymore!!! Go figure?!?

Jonathan and I just adore her. So much. Being parents has been such a joy for Jonathan and me. Truly, we feel so overwhelmed with joy that we've been entrusted with her little life!!!

Jonathan and I are also preparing for Deployment #4 at the end of November. That sinking feeling in the pit of our stomaches returns. I find myself with tears close at hand at random times. It's a very emotional process, preparing for the inevitable. Preparing for something you've gone through so many times before, you know the steps, but don't get any better at handling them. We've got a little over 3 weeks left before the window of leave time hits. I pray they will stretch out as long as possible.

We have gone to Saturday night service at our church a few times (it's new). It's much smaller, and we have enjoyed it a lot. It also leaves Sunday more free, which has been so nice. Also, no missed/delayed naps! :) Elyana sat through the entire service last week (which was a good 10 minutes longer than usual) and she did great! She made a little fuss/scream maybe twice. That's it. We both concentrated while she played and ate Puffs. Yes, without Puffs we would not have made it. So what? I can deal with that! One thing I did was call a very dear friend of ours, who Jonathan and I both think has done amazing with their 3 children (who are around 11, 7 and 4). I got her advice about leaving children in nursery, separation anxiety, and some child training. It was so, so good! I really praise God for the wonderful people he's given us in our lives that we can learn from rather than just walk through things with good intentions but only our own limited wisdom. We are in one accord right now in what we're doing. Sure, there will be things to talk about in the future, but right now we're good. :)

That's all for now. :) Except pictures. I'll do those in another post, because Elyana's about to wake up and I need to finish stuff up!

"Love in Action" Blog - Go View It

2009-10-16T08:22:00.000-05:00

My dear sister, Karen, has started a new blog titled "Love in Action." She's got some really encouraging and challenging posts up already. They are short writings about which she says:

The intent of this blog is to encourage Christian wives and mothers to show their love to those around them through daily, practical deeds. These ideas stem from things I am trying to apply in my own life. Some may not be applicable all the time, but I hope it plants a seed and ideas in the hearts of those who read to show their love through acts.

Motherhood Challenges

2009-10-08T00:58:00.003-05:00

Things have just really been busy around here. I've had at least 3 different blog posts I've wanted to make about my thoughts on some different issues... But time has gotten away from me (as usual!). I'll do what I can here.

Nursery...

Nursery again. While she did really well a few times, she has now full-on entered the "Stranger Anxiety" stage. I attempted to taker her in one week, and she clung to me and cried hard - so of course I did not even try letting her go then (calming her down from that took at least 5-10 minutes). Jonathan and I thought that maybe if he took her she wouldn't do that (she has a strong momma preference!). No, she did that to him. He still let her go (I could never have done that!). But the end result was, when we'd waited the amount of time I felt comfortable with, and checked on her, she was beside herself. (Which meant, I became beside myself!) We agreed nursery is not working now. We are praying about this again, for wisdom to know what is right for her. Jonathan wants to read an article or book on separation anxiety, and I do as well. I feel very conflicted about this, because my mothering instinct tells me one thing (nursery is not something she needs), yet I do want wisdom for how to help her and what will be best for her. I have appreciated all your input and advice, so can I solicit you all for any books/articles you may have read about this?

For example, sleep training is something everyone seems to have an opinion on. Everyone does it differently. If we didn't have a conviction when she was little of how we were to do it, I'd be lost, probably trying bits of this and that, never really sure what was right for our daughter, and being in general confused (rather like how I feel about nursery). Yet, we knew what we thought would be good for her and our family, and we read books that helped enable us to pursue that goal, and feel comfortable with it. I know I need that here!

Using the Toilet!

Elyana is constantly surprising me. Ever since we got home from Labor Day in NC, I decided to try Elimination Communication (EC) with her. I read a little bit about it, and a few people's stories of their implementation. I decided I needed to get her used to the toilet and what it was for. I also had noticed she always went #2 in the morning (usually after the 2nd nursing). So I started giving her naked time on a waterproof sheet on the floor for ~20 minutes. I'd watch her and see her start to go - and then I'd rush her to the toilet. I'd giver her a "cue" word/noise to create an association. Well, a month later and now anytime she will cue me when she's needing to go! I have to be attentive, because otherwise I can think "Aww, how cute, she's grunting" and miss it (it's not obvious unless you know to look for her cue)! This week, three days in a row now, she has "cued" me intentionally, before she even starts going (she cued twice on Tuesday, which is unusual to go twice, so I'm glad I listened to her)! Just today, I was really proud of her, because I was in the kitchen loading a few dishes as she played in the next room for a few minutes. 5 minutes of this (maybe) and she crawled in and came over near to me. Usually she just wants to be with me, so I think nothing of it. Then I noticed she sits down from a crawl, and starts her noises. Takes me a few seconds to put it together, so I take her to the toilet. Sure enough, as I get her set, she starts going! I am so proud of her!! Jonathan's watched this a few times now, and he said, "Wow, it's obvious she prefers this." And I realized he's right - she prefers to go on a toilet than in her diaper. The fact that she has a preference and can accomplish that amazes me. It also makes my heart so glad that we are "communicating" like this. No fussing here!

On communication, I have been working on the sign language, still plugging along. I do not see much recognition of the signs we use (sticking with 4 basic ones), nor is she repeating them back, but consistency and perseverance seem key. I shall plug away as long as I need to. I hope to see the light come on around 9-10 months old, as others have. :)

I will freely admit that this past weekend I definitely struggled a lot with my relating to Jonathan. At one point I felt like "all we do is fight over child-raising..." (which is such an exaggeration). We disagree so infrequently over anything (months at a time) that when we do I feel like it's the end of the world! I was getting incredibly discouraged at our differences and my attitude was so dishonoring to Jonathan (because I felt I was right). We of course talked it through, and by the next morning, my heart was much more aligned and at peace. We still have to come to an agreement, but I know the Lord will provide wisdom. I just have to do my part in reverencing Jonathan as commanded, and speaking my mind in an honoring way. I have so much growth that needs to happen in this area! At least I finally understood the marital challenges people talk about when raising children.

Trip Home!
We leave Friday for 10 days in NC!!! I am so excited to see our families again! What a great time it will be! We also get to take Elyana to the State Fair! I haven't been with Jonathan in a few years, and now we get to take our daughter. I don't know how long she'll last, but with a stroller, my wrap, and many arms to hold her, I'm hoping it's for a few hours! She's at a great age for enjoying it. I am excited because both my sister Crystal, and my brother and his wife will be in town (usually you miss seeing someone). I am bringing my kettlebell because as my sister Karen pointed out, it's compact! And since muscle = metabolism, I need to keep the weights up. (Also, I realized my last post might sound like I've got my pre-baby figure back.... yeah, not yet!!! I just happen to be able to wear my small jeans again, but still need my abs back. I don't know how long that'll take, so I'm still working out consistently and trying my best to eat clean!)

8 Months and Growing...

2009-09-27T20:25:00.011-05:00

Life's been busy. Elyana and I have had a lot of nights to ourselves this week. Jonathan's been hunting so we have taken the opportunity to go out. After being at home all day, she can get tired of what we've got to offer here. She loves what we do together, but she does enjoy seeing new things. One evening we went to TJ Maxx together. I wasn't sure how she'd do. Ever since the first of August, she has been going through a fussy phase. At stores, she's been way too fussy for me to want to even TRY to go alone. Even with Jonathan, I didn't like going, because the entire time in a store I seemed to be working on just keeping her happy! But just this past week, as I was writing down what she's doing new, I found myself writing, "I think we're past the fussy phase!" Five weeks! Not too bad. She is really an amazing baby, so wonderfully sweet tempered, happy, easy to entertain, loves me so much.

So we went out to TJ Maxx, and I think I was there an hour and a half! We looked at tons of stuff. She was in the cart, then in my sling, and did wonderfully! It really was like having a little shopping buddy! I'd show her things, let her touch them, identify them, point out "pretty" stuff. We looked at everything. I got her a toy, some great makeup and shampoo, a few presents, and.....

a pair of jeans the smallest pre-pregnancy size I have worn! When I tried them on, I didn't expect to even be able to zip them, but I wanted to see how they looked. I was so surprised at how amazing they fit. This was so encouraging for me. Ever since Elyana was 3 months old, I have worked and worked and worked my butt off! When Jonathan was deployed, I barely took a day off working out those 78 days. I was meticulous about my eating. And I felt like I only saw the tiniest of change. I worked out 60-90 minutes every day. It was more than discouraging. I really felt like my body too was working against me. I felt upset that everyone I heard from before I had Elyana told me that nursing would make the weight fall off... So not true for me! I was actually down to 1lb of my pre-pregnancy weight by 3 weeks post-partem (although I had lots of toning to do). Then, it's as if my body rebelled, and without changing anything, I went back ~6lb up. And stayed that way, no matter what I did. I even went to all the working out and ~800 calories a day. No Change. You can see how frustrating this was. But honestly, I just thought I needed to find the "key" to what my body would require to lose weight and tone up (although I figured I might not be able to until I stopped nursing). I am now more motivated than ever to work hard, never take more than 1 day concurrently off from working out, and watch my eating. When I see progress, I want to continue. When nothing happens, that's when I get discouraged fast. Ah but the pride I had thinking I would be back to my pre-pregnancy body by 3-6 months!!!

Georgia doesn't seem to know that it's suppose to be autumn. It's disgusting how hot, humid, and sunny it is all the time! There are gnats and flies and mosquitoes out still! I'm ready for a change of season, especially the gorgeous turning of the leaves!

Elyana adores crawling and pulling up! She still has just two teeth on bottom, which melt your heart when she smiles at you. In the morning, when she wakes up, it's the most wonderful heart-warming thing to walk in her room, and have her beautifully cheerful smile flashed as she sees my face! She crawls over and pulls up to be held. Oh how I adore every time she wakes up to see this! She nurses 5 times a day, which I don't see changing until she's about a year old. She grew 1.5 inches and 1.5lb in the last month! At 8 months she was 29 inches long and 19.5 lb (by my measurements, that is). Whenever we go out, she gets oohed and aahed over about 3 times per store. It's adorable. She has developed this "shyness" where she'll smile, bury her face in my neck/arm, and then try to peek out in a few seconds. She'll do it a few times and then finally all-out smile. I feel like everything she does is wonderful! Never a nursing session goes by that I don't pray in thankfulness for her little life, and what a beautiful gift we've been entrusted with!

Somebody is Crawling All Over!

2009-09-18T14:29:00.002-05:00

Oh yes - she did her first crawl where she actually moved all of her hands/legs more than once each back on Wednesday, Sep 9th. Now, 10 days later, she is a great crawler! She follows me into different rooms when I "leave" her. It's so fun! It is a new challenge, as the training we've been doing with "no touch" is all of a sudden so much more applicable! She is good at obeying it, but not 100% yet.

The whining suggestions in regards to signing helped. That's what I want - to help her understand sign language so that she won't be frustrated. Her whining I know isn't her being bad on purpose, she wants to communicate and she doesn't know how. I have been looking at different websites, and I decided I'd like to use ASL instead of "baby sign language". The thing I'm having to handle right now is that I'm trying to get her to learn an abstract (vs iconic) sign ("More"). It's a hurdle, but I believe consistency, like you guys talk about, is Key. The reading I've done is very encouraging! I even ordered a book with a quick-reference sheet and DVD to get myself acquainted (gotta love getting items 75% off on eBay).

Can you guys tell me when you were able to teach your children about being "quiet" or not fussing (basically, communicating to them "shh" or "hush" in a non-corrective/gentle way?). I know I've seen Susi's child understand and comply with that at 15 months.

I will post about our alternate vaccine schedule, and the whys behind it all, but I can't currently because I have lent out my vaccine book, which has all my specific info in it. But I'm getting it back in this next month, so I'll post then.

As many of you shared or confirmed with me, I have seen a trend now that with new stages of development her sleep gets disrupted! When we unswaddled her and she learned then to roll over in bed, for 10 days she got up between 3-10 times at night. When her 2nd tooth came in and gave her so much anguish, she woke 5-8 times a night. And now that she has learned to crawl, she has learned to sit up in her crib, and gets up an average of 3-4 times a night. Even though she can lay herself down, I think it's just different for her to relate a crib to sitting (i.e. playing!) so she gets distracted from what she should be doing (sleeping), and eventually cries. But this time, I'm less worried about how long this will take, since I do know it's just a phase!!! :)

Jonathan has been getting some hunting in, but not nearly as much as I wish he could get. Since he's deploying in Nov, he'll miss a good chunk of deer season, and so he really needs opportunities now. I love his hobbies (hunting, fishing, and gunsmithing are top). I think he's so smart and intuitive and good at what he does! I do miss hunting with him like I used to, but I'll get some chances in October when we're back with the family. Nothing like a few uninterrupted time in a deer stand together with a book and the glory of nature surrounding us!

This is long enough... Pictures! Labor Day/Daddy's Birthday! :)

First, a family picture of us in Savannah.

Elyana playing in her new sandbox at Grandma&Grandpa's!

My sweet and beautiful (inside and out!) cousin Savannah holding her... Savannah is probably one of the most gentle, loving, self-sacrificing young lady you've ever met. And she loves children, is adventurous, and plays with them, regardless of their age! I want her to be our babysitter!

Karen holding Michael in her wrap! He loves this (duh!). Sweet Daddy next to her and Katrina in a towel.

This was Daddy's birthday and his cakes! Mary made him his favorite (vanilla with chocolate icing). I made him homemade Banana Pudding (a fave), and Karen made a strawberry cheesecake, because Seth likes them and well, more dessert!!! Granddaddy got to be there and it was so wonderful to see and talk to him. I miss him a lot! His presence there was like special old times!

Katrina being too cute for the camera!

My beautiful mother holding grandbaby #4, her first grandson!!! Is he not a cutie?

Autumn Should Be Here!

2009-09-13T10:07:00.006-05:00

Right now, we're all struggling with some sort of sickness! Elyana had a cough and mild fever. She's mostly better. J had congestion and sore throat. I had sore throat and achiness. It's been since Wednesday, but still hanging on. I feel like it's so mild, it's just been hard to shake. Yesterday we all felt better, but J & I didn't wake up feeling too good. I'm grateful we've been so super healthy so far, and have very good immune systems. This is Elyana's 2nd illness, and her first was only 2 days of runny nose, fever, crankiness. I am thinking of buying her the Tri-Vi-Sol finally (a vitamin supplement of Vitamin D, A and C). They're great at boosting your immune system. I haven't gotten it for her yet, because she gets 30 minutes every day outside, if not more. (A walk is one of our non-negotiable daily activities, like music or eating!) But with the changing of the season, and her now getting immunizations every month, it's probably smart. (We're doing a very modified vaccine schedule, based roughly on Dr. Sears alternate schedule, but with my choosing to eliminate some and delay everything from starting until 6 months. I'll post more if anyone has questions.)

This Saturday was opening day of Bow Season for Deer. It's an exciting time for Jonathan! I have been practicing on my bow, but won't get to try until we go home and family can watch Elyana. We did go Labor Day weekend to dove hunt, and I got one. Yes, just one. I was only out about 2 hours, because of a small-group committment, but it was fun! J got 5 so we had our traditionally delicious sauteed dove-breast in salted butter, thyme, and marjoram. So good!

Once Labor Day is over, Jonathan feels like autumn is on its way. I have waited and finally got to put out my fall decor! I think it's my favorite (with Christmas coming in a close second)! I have all sorts of orange and brown flowers, foliage, etc around the house. Then of course there's my wonderful candle collection! I have different scented oils and candles in Mulled Cider, Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin, Autumn Leaves, Harvest, Cinnamon and Cloves, and Creamy Caramel. They all add an ambiance and scent that I love! And ushering the day in with Pumpkin Pancakes with Hot Cider Syrup all the more convinced me that autumn will be here soon!

Elyana is such a beautiful, wonderful, precious baby! I love her so very much!!! She babbles a lot more, saying "dadada" "mamama" "bababa" "lelele" "gagaga" "uhgauhga" and other such noises! I love it! She is crawling around now, which we adore! But I don't think she realizes that if we're in the other room (and she can see us) she can get to us as well! It's more her way of getting to an out-of-reach toy! She continues to love being outside. At Grandma and Grandpa's they had a baby swing she could sit in, as well as a hammock and a sandbox! Can I say she adored all of those? We definitely need a sand box. She'd play for about 30 minutes, loving touching and eating the sand (I know, yuck!). Then we'd bathe off! She loves going HIGH in the swing. Same as when she sits with me on a big-person swing. If I'm not going high she's bored! :)

The eating thing she's gotten kinda funny about. Three times a day is more than she likes. She also now would prefer our food to her own. If we're eating or drinking something, she has no end of curiosity about it! But if it's her own mashed food, I'm good to get her eating a "full" (2-3 TBSP) serving of each at one sitting (oatmeal, fruit, veggie). She used to love it all. I'm not worried, because honestly I think babies are being pushed to start solids a lot sooner than they ever were, and the most nutritious thing for her right now is my milk anyway! It's more I have to stand my ground if I feel intimidated by other mothers who think my baby should be eating more solids. I am getting better at this and for the most part people are kind and non pushy anyway.

I still love cloth diapering!!! But I do wish I'd gone with Fuzzi Bunz, as my BG velcro holder seems to be wearing out. I have been putting off contacting them. Actually, I should be doing that instead of blogging. But what's more fun? Anyway, I know they'll replace it, but there's only a year warranty, and I know I'll just face this again with another baby. :( Ok, I just found out, I have to mail them my diaper covers, but at my cost (bleh). Oh well. I'll tell you how it goes!

We are training Elyana and she understands "no touch" although she doesn't always obey the first time (she understands though!). We realized she "whines" for things (toys, more food, etc) and so I'm working very hard to intentionally use signs every time this happens, and to not give her something at every whine. I try to let her stop whining, and tell her "more" (with the sign) and then immediately give it. Any success with this type of training?

Oh, and she's now quite the car traveler. She's done 8-hour car rides (or more) twice a month for the last 5 months, so she's getting very good in there. Minimal fussing! She plays, watches trees, and sleeps. I'm grateful for our little traveling buddy!

What to Post About???

2009-08-31T20:31:00.006-05:00

I find this so hard what to post about! I feel like I have a ton to say!!! I am afraid of missing too much, so if you guys don't mind, I'll post "bullet-point" style so as not to overwhelm you all with wordiness! Also, maybe if I don't, I'll never get to it.

- I feel like I've been making super good meals latey. Everything is good! And more healthy in terms of vegetarian, or using the fresh-caught fish Jonathan's got this year, or relying on spices instead of butter/oil for flavoring. :) For example, some recent meals:

- Black Bean, Caramelized Onion, and Orange Tortillas - so yum! It's from Cooking Light, but I can't find the recipe online.

- Susi's Florribean Shrimp with Island Rice (notes: more curry, coconut milk instead of water in the rice, and use basmati wild rice mixture instead of plain white rice)

- Russian Black Bread - this went well with Borscht, as well as cream cheese/capers/smoked salmon!

- Grilled Honey Shrimp from Joy of Cooking

- Tahi Red Curry Mahi Mahi Salad

- Beef and Pumpkin Shepherd's Pie (very autumnal, used our venison instead!)

Anyway, all those turned out to be quite tasty (the mahi mahi needed some extra oomph, but still delicious). I'm sorry I don't have links for everything!

For all of June and July, I pumped 6-7 days a week and was able to save all of it, with a little set aside for "popcicles" for Elyana. I was sending it to a dear friend who has twins and wasn't succeeding in breastfeeding both of them (they were premature and in the NICU for a long time). All of August I feel I've struggled to do 3-4 days a week. I just don't enjoy it. But now I have to, since I add my milk to all of Elyana's cereal and pureed veggies/fruits. I just feel "behind" on it, even though I have stuff in the freezer and enough for each day, I feel I should be stockpiling more. :(

I was convicted that my complaining attitude about my workload was not due to the fact that I have too much to do (though I do have a lot!). But it would be solved if I did two things. #1 Rise Before Elyana! (which means setting an alarm and getting up) and #2 Having my time with the Lord first thing to pray and read Scripture to set Him as my Priority for the day. It's made such a difference. Getting up at 5:30 to get time with Him, then workout, and even get a shower in sometimes before she gets up, really helps. I feel ready to meet her, awake, happy, and as if I've at least gotten the two things that weigh really heavy on me if I miss them (quiet time and working out). And I am so thankful that my knees, which seemed hopelessly damaged from all my working out last deployment, haven't given me a bit of trouble! I don't do chair squats, but I do everything else. So grateful!

We have been out of milk for something like 4 days. I feel really bad about that. But we haven't been out to get any. I do have my Almond Milk around here, but nothing J will drink. He's been having oatmeal and fresh fruit in the mornings. Better that cold cereal in my opinion anyway. But I *do* need to get some.

Jonathan and I did learn he'll be gone for the next deployment this Christmas and Elyana's 1 year old birthday. I'm thinking if it makes any sense to do Christmas early, delay, or just forget it? Elyana's birthday I know we'll just do together after she celebrates big with all her uncles, aunts, and grandparents! The only thing I'm "looking forward" to this deployment is really working hard to get my post-baby body (or better) back. I feel like I can do it with another 10 weeks to work very hard and eat very clean.

I know I post pics of Elyana all the time, but she's just so CUTE! So I'll close, even though I have tons of other thoughts in my head.... Just means I should post later this week as well!

She has fun playing in water!

We've taken her in her push-buggy up to Dollar General, about 1.5 miles from our house (all sidewalk). She loves it!

J's hat (and patches)

Mommy, I love peas! They match my bib!

Love her faces!

Nursery Follow-Up

2009-08-22T08:41:00.004-05:00

I really want to thank ALL of you for your comments, messages, etc. It meant so much to me to hear from you, as I respect your opinions and thoughts on matters of motherhood. I really wanted to comment to each of you personally, but lack of time and effort has prevented me thus far. Karen: I love how happy your little children are with strangers and friends alike, and I reall value you opinion as a pastor's wife, so please when you get time, let me know what you do with your little ones and how you and your hubby view it. :) You can email or comment, whichever you prefer.

I really felt similar to what Lisi said, about wanting her children to feel a part of the Body of Christ, and learn to participate in the worship, prayer, and message. However, it would be misleading if I didn't say that my hesitancy about putting Elyana in nursery had much more to do with not wanting to leave my precious baby. But I do think that as she is older, it will be important to talk with her and ask her what she learned about the message. I think my dad did this at young ages, to where even at 10 years old, I felt my opinions and observations were given importance and were valid rather than "silly." I don't know what age we'll choose church instead of Sunday school, I guess that will depend on where we're attending church at the time, what they offer, and our children's own preferences.

Susi and my friend Angela both were pointing out how good it is for the child to "fellowship" with their friends or be loved on by nursery staff during church. Also how it's good to get time listening with your husband to the message, undistracted! Especially since this was Jonathan's desire, I wanted to please him and respond positively to this. Even if I don't "mind" the distraction, this is an issue of honoring his wishes and trusting that he has our baby's good in mind as well. Angela also mentioned I could get comfortable with the workers and policies by working there myself! I have been meaning to do that for a long time, and have done it in our previous churches (2 year olds, though).

Oh, and we do keep her with us for the worship, and once the last song is being sung, I took her out. She really enjoyes the singing, and gets into it and "sings" (babbles in a long sing-songy way). This minimizes the time she can get fussy, lets her participate (she adores music), and lets me check her in when it's not so rushed at nursery.

That said, Elyana did pretty well actually. I was shocked to check her in and see three nursery workers and (including Elyana) only about 3-4 babies (I couldn't see for sure). Pretty much a one-to-one ratio. They were very kind and the room was super quiet. Peaceful. Of course it was just one week. Anyway, she did cry some toward the end, they said, but she was resting in a lady's arms as we got her. She came easily to us and was just ready for her nap. It really was nice to sit next to Jonathan during the message and listen with my full attention. I was very ready to go get her, though! I miss my little munchkin, even if it's only 30 minutes apart! (J and I have only ever left her twice for dates, and with family each time.)

Anyway, it will be a good thing, and I intend to watch her each week to see how she adjusts, how her immune system handles it, and if she begins to enjoy it. We both are at peace with having her there, but have agreed that were she to start getting sick a lot or cry a lot, we would reevaluate. For now I know it's good.

She did amazingly well with the shots, never even getting fever. We used tylenol one time the next day, as she seemed fussy in a way unlike herself. The Pc shot left a hard little pink spot that took longer to get rid of, but now it's gone as well. I feel so relieved that now she's gotten the first in a series of three of the 3 vaccines we'll let her get until she's 1.

I know I post a bunch of pictures of Elyana, but she's so cute and she gets the bulk of photo time now (especially since J works a lot more hours now than he used to, booooooo).

Look at her teethies! Two now. They are so cute!

Jonathan likes giving her lemons. Not often and not for long. And I wash her hands right afterwards so she doesn't get acidic juice in her eyes.

Downtown Savannah... Our Georgia Peach we call her. :)

On the boat ride with the uncomfy life preserver.

Reading to herself.... (well, turning a book's pages at least)

Humbly Asking For Your Thoughts

2009-08-17T08:57:00.004-05:00

Time has come for me to seek out advice from my dear friends who read this blog. I wish I could actually talk to you all in person, face-to-face, as our little ones play on the floor together. But as that will have to wait for another time, I'll just pretend we are sitting in my living room, toys spread across the floor, inteacting with our children as we try to hold a steady conversation.....

[Now imagine if you will, we're sitting on the floor, because heaven forbid we sit on the couch while our not-perfectly-steady babies explore and reach for the myriad of toys we have out. We must be in range of little baby-hands, that sometimes accidentally claw and push each other. Where were we? Ah yes. We also have Vanilla Lattes in hand, as I've lovingly made them with my Breville espresso maker. We begin a conversation.]

So, I have this concern. My heart is torn about what I should be feeling, and how to have the right perspective on it.

[Do go on...]

It's about church.

[Worried look.]

No, no. More specifically, about Church Nursery. You see, if I had "my" perfect way, Sunday service would not involve separating from my child. Church feels anti-family to me! Not all churches, but ours and many I've attended do. I definitely see the value in a "Nursing Mother's Room" and "Baby Cry Room", but I don't understand the idea that church is for adults and older children only. That babies should be "removed" because they are always disruptive. That it's unacceptable to sit in the back or top balcony and let your baby play quietly, and if they start getting noisy, to take them out. I am not advocating screaming, yelling, or even happily-squealing babies in church. But I do not see why it's inacceptable for generally quiet babies/children to be present if the parents want. I have heard from the pulpit, "we have places for them" (nursery/sunday school), where it's clear they aren't really accepted in the service.

[Horrified Look]

Let me get a little more specific. I do want my (or any) children to have the opportunity to be in nursery/SS if they want it and like it. Growing up, in every church we went to, from the time I can remember (6 years old or so?), I did not enjoy Sunday School. I hated being away from my parents, with a strange teacher with strange classmates. If the Sunday Schools weren't age-separated, and I got to be with my siblings, I wouldn't have minded as much. In contrast, even as a young child, I never remember thinking church was boring or disliking it. I was glad to be there.

Also, my child is still little and cannot communicate what is wrong. As her mother, I know and can read her best. I want to make sure she is happy where I leave her. If she is crying or upset, I want to be able to come attend to her. Tell me, would a nursery agree to tell you pretty quickly if your baby fussed, or would they try for 5-10 minutes before contacting you? Because that seems like a long time for my baby to be upset for "no reason." (i.e. something avoidable) I guess that question depends, but what have your experiences been?

With all that said, we are putting Elyana in the nursery next week. I'd been delaying until she got her DTaP, Pc, and HIB vaccines. By tomorrow she'll have the other two, and that's been my agreement with Jonathan. He wants her in nursery. He wants an uninterrupted service sitting with me (not apart from me) and listening to the message not distracted by her. He is the leader of our family, and I trust his judgement and his desires/preferences on this. So nothing we say here will change what we do.

I just want to know what are your thoughts, as mothers, on this? I am looking for perspective as well, for how nursery can be good for our children. I want to hear things other than what's rattling about in my own head. My heart does not like this, but I trust the leadership Jonathan has in our family is a perfect balancing out of me and my tendencies and weaknesses. So we move on to this new event next week. But until then, I'd appreciate some wisdom from my friends.

[I put my cup to my lips, turn my head in a listening pose, and await your responses....]

My Teething Girlie!

2009-08-12T17:03:00.005-05:00

Well, a LOT has happened since the last post. Elyana is growing by leaps and bounds. More on that later. But seriously, this teething thing deserves a post all in and of itself.

So remember how I said on her 6-month birthday, I saw the indentions of a tooth all ready to pop up? It was mainly reddish, but with the craggy outline of a baby tooth beneath. That was on a Sunday. By that Wednesday, the cute little white-cap was up! And it could have happened invisibly, had you only been observing our little Elly-bear. It was so cute. "Aww, the little toothie," we would gleefully exclaim. We never knew the enemy that lurked in the future...

Fast-forward to our beach trip with my family to Tybee Island. 7 glorious days. On this past Sunday, I notice the very same red, toothy-outlined area in her mouth, this time on the bottom left (the other was bottom right). By now her first tooth is a beautious thing to behold, making all her smiles that much cuter! So I was rather happy to see the appearance of another one. But literally, about 10 minutes later, DOOM set in. Without exaggeration, she was like another child! She cried, she fussed, and was upset! Then, by the time she got up from her first VERY short nap (45 minutes instead of her predictable 2 hours), she had a low-grade fever. Add in baby diarrhea (going #2 10-12 times a day instead of the 1 time). This tooth was a bad boy! All day she refused solids, nursed not very well, and needed lots of holding. When she's feeling bad like that, the best way to comfort her while awake is putting her in the wrap so she's near me by comfortable enough to rest. She only gets her paci at nap/night/car, but we let her have it all day, when she'd take it.

This continued all Sunday and Monday. The fever, even with tylenol, was still there occasionally. I was suppose to take her to get her 2nd round of vaccinations (pc and HIB), but called and we decided to get an appointment to see the dr instead. I just didn't want to be "assuming" it's teething and ignoring something else. It probably was just her tooth. The fever was never there Tuesday, but all the other symptoms were, except she'd gotten better at sleeping and nursing.

Today, Thursday, she is almost her normal self. Still rather fussy, but she takes her little pointer-finger and "feels" on her new tooth. It is adorable!

I'm misplaced my camera, so these are all a little grainy since they're from an iPhone.

Playing one day with "Pouf" - a gift from Uncle Carter

In Savannah, Jonathan took us on a boat and we motored downtown, ate, shopped, and walked. Elyana hated the life preserver, but loved the water.

Mom & Elyana downtown Savannah

Jonathan picked a morning-glory and stuck it behind her ear. What a cutie!

Her Daddy took her on her first carousel ride! Nummy, let's eat the pole!

Elyana - at 6 Months

2009-07-21T20:33:00.003-05:00

Our little one isn't so little anymore! 6 Month doctor's visit stats:

Weight: 16 lb, 11.5 oz
Height: 26"
Head: 16 3/4
Chest: 16

So in the last 6 weeks (we did her 4 month one at 4 1/2 because I was out of town), she's put on 1lb 9oz (about 1/2 an ounce a day), grown 1 inch in height, and grown 1/2 inch in head, as well as chest. Her percentiles now are in the 76th for weight and 66th for height. Looks like the Graydon side may be catching up with her (all the girls are short), as she's no longer in the upper-top percentiles. But she's healthy! And that makes me happy. Funny how, I never am really convinced she's eating enough, but everywhere I go people tell me what a big/chubby baby she is. I take that as a great compliment and love her chubby cuteness!

Her first tooth appeared on the morning of her 6-month birthday! Well, more-like an abcess, but two days later, the little white-jagged crown of the tooth made its appearance. I have tried to take dozens of pictures of it, to no avail. All too bright (flash) or too blurry (without flash). Ideas? I should say I'm thrilled about the tooth, but honestly it's the first stage I'm a little sad about, as it means those toothless baby-grins will be gone in a little while. I LOVE those drooly smiles! But I want to be glad about every new phase. I just was in no hurry to lose it.

She loves oatmeal! That was her first cereal. She really enjoys eating time and is such a little angel. She laughs, plays, and eats without a fuss. I LOVE it so far! She gets a tablespoon of cereal 2-3 times a day. I am starting to mix in something with one of the "meals" (i.e. veggie or fruit). I mix it all with my milk, of course.

On a typical day, she nurses 5 times a day (7, 11, 3, 8, 12). 7am is her usual wake-up time, which suits me fine. 8:30 is her bedtime, and that works for us well. She does still wake up around midnight for a feeding to make it to 7. I adore our nighttime feedings. I lovelovelove them! I love the sleepy night-time nursing. I love how she's not distracted by anything else, has her eyes closed, and is just so content to be next to me, peacefully nursing and cuddling. I seriously have NO desire for her to sleep through the night and miss this special bonding time. *sighs dreamily*

She is such a happy baby!

We unswaddled her for good about a week ago. She was getting so strong, she was getting out of it and that was disturbing her sleep anyway. She is an active sleeper! She likes to roll, grab her feet, and sleep on her side at times. She seems to do well, except for this new talent: rolling onto her tummy. That, she cannot figure out how to get out of. Definitely happens every night, and usually during a day nap. I've tried to let her figure it out a little more during the day, but we're just not there yet. Until then, oh well. I don't mind helping my precious little one out!

She is so smart and doing everything she should at this age:
- she's been sitting unassisted for a month
- drinking from a sippy cup
- repeating some consonant-vowel sounds ("k" and "g" are her favorite although singing/happy-screaming are her real favorite way to vocalize)
- holding herself in a standing position (unassisted) for up to a minute with a toy/table. Tons longer if we're helping.
- she is understanding object permanance (will look for a person who leaves the room, will look for a toy I've dropped inside something even if she can't see it)
- transfer things from one hand to the other
- work to get out-of-reach toys (she loves sitting in her bumbo, dropping blocks, and working to get them back to her!)
- objects when we take something away (developmental, but not enjoyable)

That's it for now. This tooth is becoming more visible, so that'll be in the next batch of pictures.

Pictures!!!

2009-07-15T23:07:00.003-05:00

Elyana turns 6 months old on Sunday! I'll do a "what she's doing now" then, but for now, here are some wonderful pictures of the past few weeks....

We are not starting her on solids until she's officially 6-months old, but we give her little "tastes" of things. I let her suck on frozen blueberries we picked, since Jonathan had been feeding them to her (skins off) and she adores them so.

Push-ups!

Snuggled down in Aunt Catherine's robe

Swinging.... they both look happy!

Elyana screeched for joy when we would swing with her in our laps.

Jonathan and I put her to bed, and went out to our first romantic night-out alone since she's been born. His parents kept watch over her, and we were glad to know she would be in good hands were she to wake. We had an amazingly fun evening and loved, loved, loved being together!

Here is my beautiful sister Karen, and little 2 1/2 week old Michael Stuart. He is so precious! And, like usual, Karen just seems to effortlessly and gracefully slide into role of "mother of three" while being a loving wife, sister, daughter, and friend. And she's exercising with weights already - talk about disciplined! I hope I can be this self-motivated and joyful.

Elyana adored this little push-car we found at Nana & Papa's (apparently, Seth & Karen bought it years ago for Katrina). We are getting one for here!

Can you tell the girls loved pushing their cousin all over the courtyard?! They did it for almost an hour! I love to see them playing already.

My wonderful father with his 3rd grandchild. Three granddaughters, and now a 4th, the first grandson. Just like how he had 3 girls before he had a son.

Look at them all playing... I hope and pray these cousins can grow up and be the best of friends.

Elyana again, in the kiddie-car. Lucy (the german shepherd) faithfully followed. Elyana went nuts over her, she loves all animals so far.

She swam in Nana and Papa's hot tub for Two Hours (only mildly heated to bath-like-water for her)! She is a little mermaid! She got splashed in the face a bunch of times, and never cried! See how her feet are like prunes?!

Another shot of Michael Stuart.

Products I'm Living By This Summer....

2009-06-30T13:45:00.006-05:00

I know this is not my typical "how life is" post. But if you're like me, you love getting a tip for a great, affordable product as much as the next girl. You love having one go-to product that someone you know personally uses, that they say delivers every time.

And if you're like me, you adore seasonal products. That means, if it's summer it smells of fresh scents, works with the heat and humidity, and isn't a hassle.

So for this entry, allow me to say a few words about the products I'm using now-a-days.

Ah, Envia's Conditioning Hair Masque. My mom got it for me, after Elyana was born. Having long hair, and never being able to resist coloring it every few months, gives me extremely dry/damaged hair. Add in the daily blow-drying in the winter, and the occasional straightning and curling, and you've got even more parched hair. Enter this masque. Most masques make my hair so limp, I won't use on a day I know I've got to go in public. I already have volume issues! That or they leave the scalp super oily by that evening/the next day. This one? My hair is so soft and smooth, and not oily, even the next day. Love it!

I discovered this in January and packed it in my hospital bag for Elyana's birth. The morning after she was born I used it and it felt like I was on an island getaway. Seriously! It brought back memories of my 1 year anniversary getaway with Jonathan to Grenada. It made me envision warmer weather and a suntan! Now that summer's here it is the perfect fragrance for a mini vacation in the shower. Heavenly!

My sister Mary, aka the Fashionista, introduced me to this. I used to love tanning booths, but with a baby they are a thing of the past. So I'm constantly on the lookout for a gradual tanning lotion that will not stink, rub off on clothes, or be sticky. This fits all the but last one, and it's only sticky if you wear jeans. Love this, I can use it even day and it's not horribly obvious I'm faking it. :)

This, I adored when I saw it in the Sephora summer catalog! My brother and sister-in-law had so, so kindly gifted me with a Sephora gift card for my birthday, and I only too happily went in to purchase this lovely bronzed, summer palette! I adore it! When I combine the liner with any three of the shawods, on my already (fake) tanned skin, it looks like I have been to the pool and am now ready for a fun evening out! Super beautiful combination, really my favorite one to date, and easy to stash in the purse in case I couldn't get my whole regimen done at home, to finish up in the rearview mirror (once parked, of course - you know you do it too!). My only wish? That this came with applicator brushes and/or had a spot for them!

There you have it.... Denise's summer survival kit! :)

Pictures..

2009-06-25T20:34:00.002-05:00

Look what our little Princess has been up to...

She met some horses, and loved them...

She swam in a floatie in a big-person pool that was cold (compared to what she's used to).

She found her feet and loves to suck her toes!

She turned 5 months old!

And she got a perfect, handsome, boy cousin!!! Michael Stuart came into the world at 4:30am on June 17th, weighing 9lb12oz (for my petite 5'1'' sister who only weighs $1 dripping wet, that's a feat in and of itself!)

Picture Recap of our New Bern Getaway...

2009-06-18T08:15:00.008-05:00

Elyana and me, ready to go pick up Jonathan/Daddy!!!

These are their first moments since she was exactly 2 months old, the day he left.

This is Jonathan's first morning back. After some initial standoffish-ness, she had warmed up to him by then.

Jonathan letting Elyana gum at bread for a little bit as we ate some fabulous seafood on the water in Beaufort...

Look at them play!

Elyana and me at the beach!

Jonathan shows Elyana the ocean! She was an amazing good baby, we stayed about 2 hours and she got hit by cold ocean water, ate sand, had to have sunscreen slathered all over her, and nursed in the heat under a towel... what a sport!

As a belated birthday & anniversary celebration for us both, we made a Mounds cake. Can I just say it was FABULOUS?

We took Elyana on daily walks outdoors. She loves the outside! She had started to like holding onto stuffed animals. So cute!

Jonathan gets a kick out of posing our little girl.

Less than 24 Hours Left!

2009-06-03T17:57:00.004-05:00

I can hardly believe we're getting so close to our reunion! It feels so close now. I have to go to sleep of course, but then tomorrow should go by fast. I have the oil to get changed in the morning, and then the rest of the day to get more work hours in, play with Elyana when she's up, make sure the house is clean, get milk & eggs for breakfast on Friday morning, and of course get myself all dolled up! I have various other things on my to-do list, like returning some items and mailing some packages, but those may fall by the wayside if things just move too quickly. I am so glad tomorrow is full, so that even if Jonathan is hours late, it should still fly by.

Ha! Now it's just about 5 hours until my beloved is home!!! I am SO excited!!! I think the time will fly by, it already has really!

I want to give Elyana's 4 month Well-Baby check stats! She weighed 15.2oz, and was 25 inches tall! She's almost doubled her birthweight (of 7lb 13oz) and has grown 4 1/4 inches since her birth. They said she's in the 70th percentile for her height, and 90th for her weight. I felt really happy and proud with what that means for how breastfeed has been for her. What a delight! I am so grateful for my little chunky-monkey.

I've had her on the 4-hour schedule for a little over 3 weeks now. She eats, and then is up for 2 hours, then sleeps for 2. She transitioned into it really well. I have gotten her to mostly leave out the 4/5am feeding, and just go from a midnight feeding until 6 or 7am, about 80% of the time I attempt it. Again, she seems ready for it. She is getting to a super fun stage where every day there's new development. Recently, she started touching and exploring my face with her hands - so sweet! She also watches me drink water from a glass, and started to reach for it. So I let her, and sure enough she drank/licked it like a big girl! *sniffs* She has found her feet, but only occasionally plays with them. She screams loudly now, in delight most the time, but occasionally frustration. I can't help but laugh (bad momma, I know!). She can be occupied easily for 15 minutes with a toy, which is all the time it takes to drive to base, Wal-Mart, Starbucks, etc so that's just perfect for us.

Lots more, but I'll save it. Back to putting the final touches on the house!!! I cannot WAIT to see my Jonathan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting Close... In NC

2009-05-24T09:45:00.006-05:00

Slowly, we're coming to an end to Deployment #3. We just got our return date.... June 4th!!! Sure, it's not as good as coming home on the 1, 2, or 3rd... But as my mother-in-law said, it's better than the 5th, 6th, or 7th! Last deployment was the 5th. Actually, considering it's delay, it was midnight plus on the 6th. So we'll take it. When you get this close, it seems like what does a day or two matter, when there's a 78 day total? But you're just so excited and ready to be reunited, it can be a challenge even now! My stomach does flips when I think of seeing my Jonathan again, though!!! I catch my breath a little and then have to tell myself to calm down because we're still over 10 days away!

I have had such a fun and amazing time in NC! Firstly, working part time has been so good. There's tons to do, yet I get to be in the office with my dad and brother (my brother Stuart wouldn't normally work in the office, but he and his wife are closing on a house outside Lynchburg in a few weeks, so they're in NC until that's done). So that's fun. I work 2 hours in the morning, and 2 hours in the afternoon, when Elyana naps. Then when she's awake, I take her to the house to play. She gets to spend time with her amazingly fun aunts, uncles and Nana of course! Aunt Mary makes her talk and babble like no one else. Aunt Suzanne makes her laugh the most. Aunt Crystal likes to play piano for her, which she attentively listens to (& she helped me give her a bath, the first person besides J!). Aunt Karen just showers mommy-like love on her (with two of her own girls, and a boy due 3 weeks from now, she is an expert at that). Nana will do whatever little Elyana wants. Anyway, it's just super fun getting to see my siblings interact with my precious little girl.

We introduced Elyana to Uncle Michael and Uncle Christopher (Jonathan's brothers) and she adores them. I think they sound like her Daddy, because she turns her head to their voices more than anyone else's (except mine!). They are really amazing uncles, and play with her and hold her so gently. It's neat to see that side to them. Of course Jonathan's parents just adore her too, and shower her with love and attention and lots of sweet holding. Aunt Emily, Jonathan's yongest sister, even though she has down syndrome, just loves to hold Elyana and look at her. It's adorable! And Catherine I can already tell is more and more comfortable with her. When she visited in Georgia, she wasn't sure she liked holding her when she was starting to fuss, but now, she can soothe her! She's going to be a great aunt/mother/babysitter for sure.

I've gotten to visit people here and there, never long enough, but still incredibly fun. I'm just going to have to post pictures below. I brought two cameras, and one is currently misplaced, so all my Charlotte pics and Mother's Day are lost currently. :(

Elyana has had a lot of firsts while she's here. Her first cold (so her first taste of anything besides's my milk - some infant tylenol). Her first rolling over (back to front too, which is harder). Her first time swimming. Her first beach trip (she did not play in the sand though, since it was too cold). Her first Mother's Day (what an absolute blessing). Her first time meeting all my old Charlotte friends. So much more, but I'd have to look over my papers to recall them all. Anyway, it's been a blast. Just 9 more days now....

Catherine reading, Christopher holding Elyana.

Catherine plays while Grandma holds Elyana.

Aunt Emily!

Uncle Michael met her for the first time

What a face! She melts my heart!

It was Shiona's 3rd birthday. She loved opening the presents, but didn't really care much about what they were. It was adorable. She wanted pizza and an ice cream cake! She was so cute, and had about 30 people there, which is what you get when you have a large family and close friends!

Katrina adores "Elyana Ruth" as she calls her. She is so careful with her! I cannot wait until they're old enough to all play.

At Mom & Dad's beach condo, Crystal and Elyana.

Uncle Noah was such a good spot about the spit up. He still holds her after that!

Nana and Papa with their 3rd grandbaby. #4 coming in 2-3 weeks!

One Year Ago Today...

2009-05-03T22:12:00.001-05:00

Elyana, as a little 7-cell, Grade B embryo, was transferred into my uterus. 3 days before that, Elyana was conceived. At the transfer, the doctor was running an hour behind, and I was suppose to have a full bladder for my scheduled time... So that was a very uncomfortable transfer! Our embryos looked a little better than last time. We put 2 7-cells in and still had some 6's, 5's and 4's growing (the time before we'd put in a 6 and 5 and had 5's and 4's growing). We had to fly back to Atlanta the next day, and I was so nervous about it all. I just wanted to be on bedrest for a day or two to give the embryos a good chance to implant, even though it's never been proven that this helps at all.

It seems like a lifetime ago I was at WH doing IVF for the second time. Seems like a lifetime ago I didn't know if I'd ever get to experience pregnancy and childbirth and looking at a baby that was Jonathan and my features mixed together. And here I am, with Elyana Ruth! "The Lord has answered" is what her names means - how I am reminded of that every day!

When she was just 3 days old, we were driving home from her first pediatrician visit. And I looked back at her in the carseat and began to talk to Jonathan. I told him how full my heart was right now. I began to tell him how I never knew if the pain of infertility would ever be gone. I had wondered if pregnancy would remove it, but even while pregnant I had pangs of it every now and then when I was reminded of how hard it was to get to that point, or something like that.... And then I told him, as I began crying (for joy), that now with Elyana here, having her had removed all the pain of the years of infertility. That was truly behind us, God had healed it all with our baby daughter. How amazing was that? I was so very happy, it was like being a different person. Except I wasn't, God had just freed me from a great, huge burden of the last 3 years. Jonathan felt the same way.

I never knew what was in store a year ago, as we headed out to the car that Saturday morning. I was excited and scared. And now I can look, and know God graciously answered the years of so many people's prayers. I am humbled, I am grateful, I am changed.

Thank you, Lord, for our little Elyana Ruth.

Life!

2009-04-28T12:01:00.005-05:00

Karen kindly asked how things were.... I can't believe I haven't done an update in so long! We have been so busy here!

Life without Jonathan does move on. I miss him so much every day. In some ways, you just push through deployments every day, and occsionally allow yourself to peek, as a turtle out of its shell, at the time that's passed around you. It can be both encouraging and tough. Like now, I know we're over halfway... And yet it's not yet May 1st and we have the whole month of May to get through. So it feels like significant progress, and yet I know we've got a big chunk of time left to overcome. I look at Elyana and how much she's changed already, and wonder in another month how much she'll have grown and gone through to be like when her daddy comes home. She's so wonderful.

However, we have some really amazing friends in Warner Robins. I have been a part of a military wives' Bible study for a year and a half now. We go through either Christian authored books, or straight up books of the Bible with commentaries. We meet for 2 hours, switching homes each week, each taking turns to facilitate as well. We grew to about 15 ladies, and so this last book decided to switch from an evening Bible study to a morning and evening one. So we're a smaller group now. But finally this deployment especially these friendships have really solidified. I see these girls about 3 times a week!!! We love to do things together! Our acitvities have included: a game & wine & dessert night (with lots of laughing!!!), a make-a-meal for those in need, strawberry picking, Easter-egg hunt, May-day basket making, whole-family dinner/picnics, baby showers, and things like that. These women are really fun to be around, and they are all eager to live out Christ's commands as friends, wives, and mothers! I really I just am so grateful for their friendship. Since they're military, and have small children, we all have so much to share in commonality. For example, evenings can be lonely and hard for those of us with deployed spouses, so we'll do a dinner together at times. Usually getting together with your girlfriends for dinner is a once-every-few-months occasion. We practically do it bi-weekly! Anyway, they are amazing and have make this deployment 100% better than any before.

Jonathan and I celebrated 5 years of marriage this past Friday. 5 amazing years!!! I look back and cannot believe I've got to spend the last 5 years with such a wonderful man! I am so blessed with his love in my life. I am just so happy to be his wife! I hate being separated from him, and never want that to change. Each day we just pray to be done with the separations forever, and get to enjoy waking up every day next to each other. But until then, we'll just pray and grow as much as we can through this. And oh the reunion!!! I get giddy thinking about June! My sweet Jonathan sent me some gorgeous flowers for our anniversary, complete with a note about the meaning of the flowers, and how it applied to our love. *sighs happily* He is my love, forever!

Elyana is changing so much. For four days straight now, I have gotten her to laugh - for at least a minute - at me! Previously, she's laughed, but it would be days between them. Now it's pretty consistent. Her face lights up when she sees me come in the room to get her out of her crib (if she's not been crying/waiting long). I love that!!! The look of recognition and happiness upon seeing mommy - and I'm mommy!!! How very long I've waited for that beautiful face! She really enjoys when I lay down next to her, hold a book over our heads, and read to her. We've once again exhausted our books (I go through them every day and I'm tired of the same ones, I can recite them by heart!), so I ordered about 5 more (used) on Amazon.com today. This Saturday is a used book sale, and I'm eager to see what I can find. Our current favorites are The First Forest and On the Night You Were Born. She will now grab toys and fiddle with them. She finds her hands oh-so-yummy and sucks on them a lot. She constantly clasps her chubby little hands together and twists them around and around, which I love to watch! She also opens her little mouth expectantly like a bird when she sees it's nursing time! She's still happily on the 3-hour schedule (Wake, Eat, Play for 1.5 hr, Sleep 1.5 hr). She goes about 4-5 hours at night between feedings. I've put her in my bed 3 times to sleep since J left, and it has been so much fun! With Jonathan gone it's very lonely, and having her next to me has been so special. Of course, it's an indulgence for us, not a regular thing!

I'm surprised how much difference there is in a newborn/1-2 month old baby, and a 3+ month old like I have now (14 weeks yesterday). While I disagree completely with the rationale behind the Happiest Baby on the Block book (i.e. babies have a need for a 4th trimester, but evolution grew babies heads too big, so they come out 3 months too soon); I totally adopt the 5 S's. They worked for Elyana so well. She actually still is sawddled, has her white noise, and takes a pacifier for nap time. I've tried unswaddling, but her hands are still uncoordinated enough she will hit her face or knock the paci out. The paci she only likes to get to sleep, but she'll spit it out usually 30 minutes into her nap and sleep the remainder of the time. The white noise? Her room is right next to the kitchen, so it drowns out noise when I'm in there, but she will sleep at someone else's houses without it. I will be trying to wean her off of some of these things in the next month or two, but right now I still feel she has a legitimate need for them. :)

And that is a huge summary of what we have been up to lately. My brother Carter drove down from NC for his Easter break to be with us (he was the first uncle to meet Elyana)! My sister Mary flew into Altanta to spend a week with us (we went to Starbucks every day, and she graciously worked out with me every night so I didn't have to take any time off!). I had amazing times with them!!! I have a little over a week here, and then I head back to NC until Jonathan returns - I am so excited! This time will be my first drive with my little "buddy" in the car.
Ok, picture time!!!

She fits into some of the prettiest dresses now!

Elyana and me at Easter time!

Uncle Carter and Elyana

Aunt Mary and Elyana (Elyana adored her!)

Charlotte Visit - Confirmed!

2009-04-25T14:40:00.003-05:00

Ok guys.... Here it is! Eileen has generously offered her home, and it seems like a good solution for the majority of you all... So here are the details...

11am, Friday, May 8th! Bring your kiddos and let's have fun!

Eileen says: Just let everyone know that they should bring a bathing suit(and towel) for their kids, we just got a pretty big baby pool and a slip n slide that I will bring out if it is warm. I will have some food for the kids, and maybe a few snacky sides.

I'd like to add that I'm bringing chicken salad on croissants for the adults, just leave a comment on here if you're planning to come so I have an approximate amount! If I'm really good, I'll bring something like muffins too. :)

If anyone is coming & doesn't know where Eileen lives, email or call her, because she says mapquest gives horrible directions.

See you in a few weeks! Super excited!

Charlotte Visit - Idea?

2009-04-10T09:00:00.002-05:00

Ok, so since two of you ladies that I want to see have conflicts with Saturday, how about Friday? I plan to arrive around 11am, if not a tad earlier.
Depending on what you guys' schedules are all like, that leaves lunch, coffee, or dinner. If it's during the day, I know you all have kids, so meeting at one of your houses or a park would be fine too if that would be a good idea. Just want to make it easy and fun for whoever wants to come! (If we did a park, I'd insist on bringing my Starbucks drink with me!)
I'm super excited about this! Please let me know and let's mark our calendars. How fun!

To My Charlotte Friends!

2009-04-05T23:35:00.003-05:00

Well, I think this is a good way to put out the news that I'll be in Charlotte next month. I'm driving in on the morning of Friday, May 8th and I leave after church Sunday, May 10th (Mother's Day if I'm not mistaken).

I know I'll probably see many of you quickly in church, but it would be really nice to have a bit longer visit.

So I'm sending out feelers to see if any of you would/could get together that Friday or Saturday. It could be coffee, lunch, or dinner. Do any of you want to do that? If so, what time/day works? Anyone who reads this, I'm talking to you!!! I'll be staying with the Freas. :) Can't wait!

Happy Birthday My Love!

2009-04-02T20:59:00.015-05:00

So Jonathan's birthday is today and I wanted to do a picture post honoring the man I have been amazingly blessed to have chosen me to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him! This will be such a small snapshot of who he is... He is brother, friend, son, father, lover, adventurer, hard-worker, wise

In the last ten 10 weeks he has shown what an amazing father he is. So gentle.

He was such a support to me during my labor, hardly sleeping or eating, to be there for me.

He loves my family & makes a point to spend time with them, pray for them, etc

Every year for my birthday he makes me whatever cake I want! From scratch.

He adores his nieces, loves playing with them, buying them treats.

He is an amazing cook and loves to cook for me or with me. Always something delicious. Except when he put mustard seed and rosemary in sloppy joes! One bad meal in 5 years? Pretty good!

He's taken me on numerous picnics!!

He has braved survival school in the cold Washington mountains. He can make a fire in 5 feet of snow. And a bed to sleep in.

He loves his Dad!

He is so industrious. He built this shed. Entirely by himself, only getting a few hours help.

He flies us all over. And loves making me do the radio calls. :)

He loves our friends' children and plays with them all...

He goes out of his way to do special things he knows I adore... Such as when he stayed up until midnight and put on his dress clothes to go to the Gala Buffet on our cruise so I could splurge on all the food. Even though he gets sick feeling when he's up too late!

He spent hours explaining football to me, even during intense games, and took me to my first game in Charlotte. I was hooked! His patience really paid off!

He takes me hunting, again explaining fine details about whatever he's doing so I can learn and be right there with him rather than just a spectator. And when we get caught in rainstorms and I laugh in delight, he laughs right along with me!

He took his siblings all over San Antonio.

He helps my family every year with their bonfire. It's an entire day process!

He is a boat captain on our ocean adventures...

He took all over New York City fine dining, museuming, sightseeing and shopping.

He makes me breakfast on all our hiking/camping trips. Bacon, eggs, grits, etc. All out.

He's a total joker! (My cousin was singing at a wedding rehearsal!)

He introduced me to SCUBA and made sure I got certified so we could dive together!

He loves his littlest sister Emily so very much!!!! She holds a really sweet spot in his heart for her!

He worked really hard and graduated with a Mechanical Engineering degree.

He spends time with friends, even sharing his cubans. *gins*

He took me on an amazing honeymoon. Hands down the most romantic, memorable, perfect honeymoon ever!!!!!

He was the most handsome groom....

Ready for an adventure! Hiking 40+ miles of the Appalachian Trail in 3 days with me and 2 Air Force ROTC friends.

He makes gourmet dinners for my family. It's his idea many times!

He came to all of my Danville Symphony Orchestra concerts he could!! Even though he's more at home at a rock concert!

He introduced my siblings to hunting and skinning deer....

My Birth Plan & How It Went

2009-03-26T18:11:00.001-05:00

So I know I said I'd post this, like, 5 months ago. *grins* But better late than never. With friends Carolyn and Emily thinking about their own plans, I decided I'd copy down what I printed and gave to the nurses at the hospital, and what I liked, didn't or would change next time.

Here's what I had gone over with Jonathan, and brought with me in triplicate to the hospital. My nurses had one in there, one was for J to reference, and they sent one to the nursery once she was born. Also, at J's suggestion I put asterisks by the items that were my "hills to die on" - i.e. items I did not want to budge on. Really good since a husband can be overwhelmed at the list. I also tried to keep my items as concise as possible (1 page total) in items/wording so that it would be easy for the nurses/doctors to reference. Highly recommend that format! Don't be wordy!
---------------
Birth Plan

LABOR – I’d Like:
· My husband Jonathan to be allowed to stay with me at all times
· To wear my own clothes during labor and delivery
· To take pictures during labor and delivery
· To stay hydrated by drinking clear fluids instead of having an IV
· To walk and move around as I choose

As long as the baby and I are doing fine, I'd like:
· Intermittent rather than continuous electronic fetal monitoring
· To be allowed to progress free of stringent time limits (i.e. Failure to Progress)

When it's time to push, I'd like to:
· To be coached on when to push and for how long so the perineum can stretch (and perineal massage if offered)
· Whatever position feels right at the time (semi recline, side-lying, squatting, hands/knees)
· **To risk a tear rather than have an episiotomy**

PAIN RELIEF:

I'd like to try the following pain-management techniques:
· Bath/shower
· Massage
· I prefer Systemic medication to an epidural

C-SECTION:

If I have a c-section, I'd like:
· My partner present at all times during the operation
· The baby given to my partner as soon as it's dried (as long as it's in good health)
· To breastfeed my baby in the recovery room

POSTPARTUM:

Post-Delivery Care – I Prefer:
· Not to get Pitocin or pulling of cord to help deliver the placenta

Baby Care – I Want:
· All newborn procedures to take place in my or my husband’s presence
· To hold my baby right away, delaying any nursery procedures for an hour to give baby a chance to nurse (we will hold baby for APGAR)
· To breastfeed as soon as possible
· **To wait until the umbilical cord stops pulsating before it's clamped and cut**
· My partner to stay with the baby at all times if I can't be there
· Nothing offered to my baby at any point (formula, water, etc)
· **NO Hepatitis Vaccination for the baby**
· **No Silver Nitrate in baby’s eyes**/ Prefer No Antibiotic Ointment Drops in eyes
· Me to give the baby the first bath
· **24-hour rooming-in with my baby**

I plan to: Breastfeed exclusively
---------------

Now, the nurses I ended up delivering with were amazing at making sure everything was followed. I even remember right before delivery the nurse telling the doctor, "She doesn't want an episotomy" and also her telling the doctor I didn't want pitocin for the placenta delivery. I wasn't always concentrated on what they were doing when I was in the throwes of a contraction.

Labor: The only part of this I would change would be to ask for no hep-loc. I could care less about it, except that it was a big hassle to have on my hand when I was trying to labor! Especially during the pushing stage, which was 3 hours for me, and I would grip Jonathan or the bed's rail, I hit that thing more times than I can count. When they finally took it out they said, "I doubt this would have worked, it's so badly pulled out/crooked now." So that's why I don't want it. I have no problem if it weren't such a hindrance/irritant to my whole labor process.

Pain relief: Ha, no massage or bath taken. Had baths been available I would have used it, but I didn't need to say that. Massage was not anything I wanted during labor.

Post-Delivery: Actually, the doctor did pull on the cord gently, and I noticed and didn't care. I was so relieved to have the baby out, and I could feel the pressure of the placenta in, that I just wanted it out. I did not care about the tugging. So I'd leave that out, but still not want pitocin.

That's it. Everything else went just as I asked for it. I was so happy about it!

One interesting thing I've noticed is that some books and friends talk about the birthing environment being one of peace, tranquility, and such. Some even talk about candles, soft lighting, and music. I have never though this sounded do-able for me, but now I don't know. I think maybe it would work with a home birth, but doing that in a hospital still wouldn't seem to change how I'd view it all. Not sure. Have any of you done this? Now, laboring at home like I did (15 hours) I could create my own environment. Jonathan and I watched football, I took multiple baths, we played chess at Starbucks, took a mile+ walk, used my heating blanket, and watched Expelled (got tired of all the concentration required by listening to it and laboring). I guess it seems like people want the environment to distract from labor contractions, whereas I wanted it for the boring in-between contraction stage. But when it got serious, at the hospital, all I wanted was some sleep or a mild distraction when I wasn't contracting.

Of course, every labor/delivery is different, so please give me your thoughts and experiences! I love talking about it and like to learn what I can from each person's story!

Black Forest Latte Recipe!

2009-03-24T13:30:00.000-05:00

I don't know if any of you have heard of or enjoyed a drink like this. But when I visited my friend Susi in Seattle a year ago, one of the local coffee houses we were visiting on a daily basis served these (was it Forza, Susi?).

Anyway, no coffee shop I've been to in GA combines cherry and mocha flavor, so I decided to see if I could re-create this drink. I created a tasty one, yet I still want to experiment further with using the DaVinci Black Cherry syrup I got from World Market, rather than marachino juice.

Any of you with your own espresso machines, who enjoy the cherry/chocolate combination, give this one a try and tell me what you think.

Black Forest Latte
· 3-4 shots espresso (1 shot = 1 oz)
· 2 tablespoons mocha syrup or powder
· 3/4 cup hot, frothed milk
· 2 tablespoon maraschino cherry juice
· Whipped cream (optional)

1. In a large mug, stir mocha and cherry juice into hot espresso.
2. Pour frothed milk into mug, stirring gently. (If not using whip cream, make sure froth is added after steamed milk has been poured in and stirred. Do not stir after adding froth, to keep it pretty.)
3. Garnish with whipped cream and shaved chocolate or red sprinkles (to hint of the flavors underneath).

Deployment #3 Underway

2009-03-20T09:47:00.006-05:00

Day #3 of Deployment #3 here. I miss Jonathan like crazy right now. The first few days (weeks?) it's always a true emotional and spiritual battle for perspective. Shoot, without a baby it's a battle to even want to get up in the morning! This being my 3rd deployment, I know how to do it well, though. And we have known God's grace from weeks ago, when he let us off the hook for the 100 day deployment and took us back to the 70 we're used to. So I don't feel jolted into an emergency mode, where only just now am I crying out to Him. No, every single day for the past few weeks, Jonathan and I have had our quiet times together rather than apart, and we have been nourished and filled by the words of the Psalms. Our prayers have released some of the burden of our souls, even when we were just told to press on.

God has lavished such a grace by giving me Elyana Ruth. When I came home from dropping Jonathan off, usually going into that now-empty house, with all the memories of us and his stuff lying around, that's the very worst part. But this time, I carried her in and held her close. She receives my hugs and kisses, and she innocently coos and grins at me. It is a sweet balm to have her love and be able to spend mine on her. It's much more of a blessing than I ever imagined. Plus, it's impossible to read the Psalms about God hearing our requests, granting our hearts desires, and making us glad in His salvation, and not look straight at Elyana Ruth and think, "This is a testimony of this very thing."

My days consist of playing with Elyana and working. So I have decided to add in a special evening walk outside together, and meeting with others with deployed spouses and their little ones. We have one event every weekday next week. I don't usually make it so busy, but for a first week that's ok.

Elyana has had a really rough time since J left with keeping to any sort of schedule. I'm gently trying to ease her back into it. It's just sleep and eating have both been hard to get back into a rhythm of.

Now time for some pictures of our last few days together!

Here is our traditional, right-before-he-leaves family picture. Three of us this time!

Jonathan and me on our traditional last-Starbucks date...

Us three at Red Lobster, a new place for dinner, but the last time we ate out. We hadn't eaten here since I had morning sickness, but had a real seafood craving. We relived some great memories. And I successfully nursed Elyana at the table, so successfully that an older lady walked by and saw us with an empty carseat, and asked, "Where's the baby?" I laughed and pointed at my nursing cover. :) I was nervous about trying to be discreet, but I guess I was!

Jonathan wanted to feed Elyana one last time.

I don't know how we managed these smiles when our hearts were breaking.

Jonathan makes me a Build-a-Bear for every deployment. We made one in '04, two in '08, and now here's my fourth one. He made Elyana one too. She was awake and happy for it all, which we were thrilled at.

Here was the little pink/white super-soft bear, Cuddles, that Jonathan and Elyana chose.

This is our beautiful baby!

2009-03-12T07:15:00.004-05:00

Life has been full around here! Our March so far has been one of incredible family times just enjoying every day as a gift from God. I feel like we've done so many things, and each day has been so full, surely March must be almost over - and yet it's not halfway through!

Elyana is growing like a weed - really! In height/weight obviously, but most noticably in development (actual numbers next week)! Here's the gist, bullet-point style!

She now smiles multiple times a day, mostly and specifically at us! When she's done nursing and spending time with us, she will catch our faces in her vision and give us the biggest smile and start "ooh" and "ahh" noises. It melts our hearts!!! She will go on like this for up to 10 minutes, and we never get enough of it!
She holds her head up extremely well - and loves to look over my shoulder at everything that's going on (no more cradle-hold for her, not interesting enough). Jonathan even tried to see if she would like the bumbo seat and could sit in it, and sure enough she can! Just for a few minutes, but she is good at it.
She now hiccups only about once a day (as opposed to 3-4 times those first few weeks).
She also can get distracted when nursing with noises around her (as if there must be something exciting going on, so she tries to "look" around).
She really loves being naked! I mean, loves it! Changing the diaper and her outfit are sure to bring smiles and coos! And she loves baby powder on her bum!
She loves to be in the bath with just her head supported, so she can float and kick around. I call her my little mermaid. I cannot wait to get her a baby pool to get sun-warmed water to have her "swim" in with me in the summer.
She loves having books read to her and seeing the pictures. So far we've been reading the complete Beatrix Potter series, It's Time To Sleep (yep, Lisi, we both love this one, it's become her night-night book!), Brown Bear Brown Bear, Go Dog Go and Guess How Much I Love You. We are now remembering all of our favorites as kids and adding them to an amazon.com wish list. So fun! I am eagerly awaiting the used book sale we have in our area come April.

I've got one picture below of Jonathan reading to her one of his favorites as a kid. And I realized I never linked to or posted some of the professional shots we got when Elyana was 10 days old... So I've got some of them on here, courtesy of Alicia McDonald.

Elyana has been an amazingly predictable eater. Every 3 hours in the day, and a 4 and 4 or either a 4 and 5 hour session at night. We have desired a schedule with her, and especially with my needing to start consistent work after 6 weeks, this seemed to be the time to start. So on this past Saturday we started seeing how she would do with a sleep-eat-wake schedule like On Becoming Baby Wise outlines. Sure enough, it was wonderful for us three. I have no desire for her to sleep through the night though!!! I look forward to and love our nighttime nursing sessions, as they are so cozy and peaceful with her all drowsy (just different than the daytime ones, when she's waking up to stay up and as I said, distracted at times). I would miss being apart from her for 8 hours! I know a lot of people have very strong anti-Babywise ideas, and I respect that, but both Jonathan and I have read both pros and cons and are just taking some of the BW ideas as a guideline for how Elyana's days will go. Believe me, if she wants to eat at a 2 hour timeframe rather than a 3 for a time during the day, I will let her! Or if I sense she needs some comfort-nursing, I will do that as well! I do not ignore hunger cues, and if they come earlier than I expect, I just feed her and assume she might be having a growth spurt. A schedule is meant to serve us 3, but not to dictate how our lives go. Especially with this being my first, I want to learn what her needs are (concerning sleep and eating) and then meet them and guide the schedule to that purpose.

Prior to starting the "schedule" I wouldn't put her in her crib during the day, because I was letting her fall asleep "here and there" which would result in an hour catnap at best! I was getting in very little anything (household chores, work, dinner) since when she is awake I hold her 95% of the time. Now giving us specific times of "This is playtime" and "This is naptime" has been so good! She never cries when she's put down to nap - which is always the same thing: swaddled in her crib with her white noise on. This gives me 1 1/2 hour sessions in the day where I know I can work or do household chores - what a relief and blessing this is to count on! It also lets me devote myself to her 100% when she's awake, because I know that is "our" time.

Good Stuff!

2009-03-02T23:37:00.002-05:00

So, it's been a while since the last post. I've got some amazing news!

When Jonathan and I learned he might have to go a month early and stay deployed for 100 days, we asked our parents to pray we'd be spared. Then we learned he had to go, and honestly I was just going to accept it. My dad sent out an email to us basically saying, "It's not over yet, I'm not through praying." His attitude of faith encouraged me to keep praying too... I shared that with J and every day we'd have our quiet time together and pray that the Lord might spare us that length of separation, and be merciful. We acknowledged we might not understand why we should be separated that long, and we'd accept that as His will if He didn't change things...

Well, I really did not expect a change. But believe it or not, by a mix-up with J's rank, he does not have to go 100 days! He's back to the regular 70 day deployment!!! I am so amazed and humbled to say the least. He is still leaving in the end of this month, but we're back to the length we're used to. I have to say the Lord has been so very gracious in this answer to our request. If any of you prayed, even just for peace, thank you!!!

I've got some beautiful pictures from our time in Vegas. I took a good bit of pictures, since I really wanted to make those memories stay with us. We really had a wonderful time, and I am so grateful Elyana and I made the trip! So enjoy....

Us at a park/pond we found in Vegas... There were ducks, geese, and birds to feed. We had a mini-picnic and walked around, enjoying the breezy weather and sunset. This is the first and only time so far I've put Elyana in the wrap facing forward. Since she can't hold her head up for very long periods, it's not ideal for her, but it gives a way for her to see everything, and for Jonathan to see her, rather than when she's heart-to-heart with me, and she falls asleep easily and only I get to see that pretty face!

This was me taking Elyana on our daily Starbucks trips while our hotel room was cleaned. I'd go, get the fresh brewed coffee, and read a book while she slept on me. She really seemed to love those time in the wrap. See how content she looks? I think she loves the closeness with me!

Jonathan spent a lot of time playing with her and holding her in the hotel. She was so interactive with him. I love watching it! She will smile and coo and make cute little noises at him. When he catches her eye, she definitely recognizes him.

Another hotel moment... Cuddle time!

The Saturday Jonathan had off, so we went to Hoover Dam and got the tour. It was really a wonderful time! I had gone with my family in '04, but it was in August so it had been 100 degrees plus! This was very different, it was almost chilly! Carrying my baby in a wrap was so much easier than a stroller, I was loving using it (can you tell?)!

This was yesterday morning, as Jonathan & I bundled her up for a stroller ride in the trails in the woods. He got the mail, and here was a present for her! Look at that smile! (Susi, she's wearing your coat/bunting, it's perfect!)

This was tonight, when he got home from work. She now fits in Mary's outfit and looks a doll! She was recognizing Jonathan and going, "Aaaah." So adorable!

Where I Am...

2009-02-22T09:28:00.002-05:00

Well, as I sit here and type, I am in a La Quinta right outside Nellis AFB. Which happens to be in Las Vegas, Nevada. I've never desired to visit this city, and just my small glimpse of the city and airport have let me know I am quite right in my ascertation of it. However, I did not come here to sightsee! Let me fill you in.

Back about 3 weeks ago, Jonathan was told he had to come out to ---Ha! I hear Revellie playing! It's been a long time since I've been on a base at 630am! --- Ahem, where was I? Oh, Jonathan was told he had to go spend 15 days in Nellis participating in Air Force air "war games" for lack of a better word. The vast area of Nevada is perfect for this, and he was sent to another base in Nevada last June for this same thing. We were really not happy with the separation, but of course we felt we could still muster 15 days pretty easily.

Then, only 5 days into his trip here, and he was told he was chosen to do a 100 day deployment, starting in March. We were expecting the April 70 day deployment, but this was telling us he'd have to go a month early and still stay until July. We were totally taken aback, and very upset. We do separations so terribly. So, not wanting to miss another day together, we hurredly booked a flight, hotel, and rental car to get Elyana and me out here. My sister Karen and her girls were visiting me and had to cut their visit short, and drove me to the airport (more on that another post, since it was so incredibly wonderful).

Even though I was so nervous about taking a 1-month old on a 4.5 hr plane ride, God was gracious and Elyana was amazing. She slept most of the plane ride, took a bottle I'd pumped, nursed, and then just happily looked around as I showed her the sites of the plane. I would have never, ever made it without my wonderful whole-cloth-wrap that my friend Karen gave me. It's the only way you can carry a baby, a carseat, a backpack, and a 50-lb suitcase, all without feeling overwhelmed! Pictures of that will follow for sure.

So for now, Jonathan and I are burrowed up in a hotel room 1/2 a mile from base, grabbing as much time as possible with each other. He still has to work, but all the rest of the time is ours. Praise God we are together! It's very bittersweet, knowing what's to come, but I'm just trying to enjoy every moment without thinking of the future.

Bum Genius Diapers

2009-02-14T09:33:00.006-05:00

I was impressed how many of you were intrigued by the cloth diapering. Today is an entire week of using them, and let me tell you I love them so far! Here are some thoughts:

- Every time I put them on my baby I feel like I'm putting something kind to her little bum. Because the diapers have a "pocket" where the microfiber liner goes (to absorb), it wicks the moisture away pretty instantly. So the diaper part, that's touching her, feels dry to the touch (really)! That's pretty good for her skin!

- The colors! Seriously, it's fun putting a new color on her each time. I definitely have my favorites - Buttercup and Clementine (creamy yellow and sunshiney-orange)! And I find I don't like Ribbit much (dark green). Haha. But really, since when did diapering become a fun piece of fashion?

- She only leaked one time, the first day, because I put her in a diaper with a newborn liner (which is smaller) rather than the regular sized one. I did this at night too when she goes longer between changings. Since then, no leaks ever!

- You guys all wonder about the smell. Basically, there's two schools of dirty cloth diapering storage: wet pail and dry pail. With a wet pail you have a pail of water (covered, hopefully) where you store the dirty diapers until it's time to wash. To me, that's eww, because the water would only cause to propogate the smell, kinda like leaving an unflushed toilet. A dry pail, you store the diapers in until wash time. It's actually not a pail (what I have), it's a bag, that's zippered, waterproof, and washable. So when you go to wash the diapers, you throw the bag in too.
I smell nothing, but I've washed almost every day. I only bought 12 diapers (they are pricey), and she goes through about 8 a day. My sister is here, and I asked her honest opinion. Also, her 4-year old has an extremely acute nose and she will tell me if she smells anything bad (seriously, we spent an entire meal at Red Lobster with her talking on and on and almost crying because of the smell in the cloth of the booth seat - um, who ever noticed that?)! Nope, no one smells anything!)

And in case you'd like, here is Elyana posing with a few. They are velcro (with snaps to adjust the size as she gets bigger, she's on the smallest now). The diapers have a one-year warranty so if the velcro did wear out, BG will replace it or the diaper for free!

Life...

2009-02-12T11:07:00.003-05:00

Well, so much going on here! Firstly, Elyana is back to being a little angel! I appreciate the comments, and just so you all know, both Jonathan and I really do know our daughter's cries and she really was just throwing a type of fit. I know she's young, but the thing is she almost never cries. Fusses? A little. But only for a reason. In fact, Jonathan's family had been here over 24 hours when they finally heard her actually cry (it was because she had the hiccups, which she dislikes). His mom made a comment that she was glad to hear her cry, just to know she would/could! :) We only put her down once all her needs (food, diaper, cuddling, warmth) were taken care of, and we knew she was crying about being held because as soon as Jonathan or I would get her, she'd stop instantly. We only did this 2-3 times anyway, and after my experience with the swaddling her, we made sure she had something to comfort her while she was fussing (using the 5 S's as a guide, as they fit Elyana to a "t"). Anyway, she's my little angel now. But we learned she loooooves white noise: hair dryer, shower, rain. It's adorable, and almost like a "switch" where as soon as she hears it, she perks up and looks all content! It makse my getting ready in the morning much easier!

The realy sad news? Jonathan left this morning! *tears up* These separationns are so very hard on us!!! Seriously, last night we decided to go out to dinner before he left, so we went Japanese for sushi (my first time in 9 months). And both of us were so upset about leaving each other, that we could not eat a thing and we felt really ill. We just packed it up and brought it home, and just spent the evening in one another's arms. We weren't much better this morning. And it's only 15 days apart!!! But we both agree we hope we always hate being separated so much. At least we'll have webcamming and phone calls! It made it hard on Jonathan too to say goodbye to his little girl as well...

So it's just baby and me for a few days, until my lovely sister Karen and her girls come visit!!! They'll be here Sunday or Monday, and I cannot wait. Her girls are beside themselves with excitement to meet little "Elyana Ruth" as they always call her. The like to listen to her coo or fuss when Karen and I talk on speaker phone. :) We had SUCH a great time last year when they visited, so that's my bright spot to look forward to!

And on a happy note, my Bum Genius diapers arrived! They are washing as we speak, so I can start Elyana on them later. I tried them on at the smallest setting (they have 3 settings, hence the one-size-fits-all) and they fit her pretty well. And the great thing? No huge baby butt! They fit almost as small as a disposable, so Elyana will still look cute in all her little outfits! I had to wait for her to outgrow the newborn size diapers, since she really needs to be about 9lbs to fit BG's. They come in the cutest colors too! I only bought 1 pink one, though, sticking to the more neutral colors (greens, blues, yellows) so if we have a boy I can use them too, and get my full investment out of them.

I had more to say, but I need to go put those diapers in the dryer! And kiss on my little girl!

---Update--- Oh yeah, I've got my first breast infection. I was slow in putting all the pieces together that that's what was going on. Pretty painful. Taking all the usual remedies (nursing as frequently as possible, pumping until empty, warm compress, warm bath, aspirin for pain relief). Any other advice is appreciated! (And I gave it to myself... I waited too long to nurse last night, as I was really distraught about Jonathan leaving and so I let the baby sleep too long. Lesson learned!)

Um, Nobody Told Me That!

2009-02-09T17:19:00.003-05:00

I had no idea 3 week old babies threw tantrums... And that their little sin-nature could start that early. Seriously. I hate, hate, hate that!!! My true joy in these first few weeks was that it was all about loving and bonding with our baby... About meeting her needs. There was no place yet for scheduling, letting the baby cry it out, disciplining, or anything but LOVE.... I was sooooo happy and basking in that uniqueness. I knew that in too quick a time, we would be dealing with all that anyway... So imagine my surprise and dismay with today's discovery.

Ok, before I share I will say that last Thursday Jonathan & I were having some "us" time snuggling together, and put Elyana in her bouncy seat. She looked at us and began mad-crying. (Yes, mothers really can tell what their baby is crying for! I know her hungry, gassy, mad, hurt, uncomfortable, bored, and loney cries!) She did not like being left out! It was almost funny, because it was so obvious what she was doing. It took her only 5 minutes or less of crying and she quieted down. Of course then, lesson learned, we immediately picked her up and smothered her with love and kisses and snuggles!

But that was so quick and small and innocent.

Today? Well, we had some of Jonathan's family down the last 3 days. We had a wonderful time! They were enamored with their first grandbaby/niece, and appropriately so! But as it was, she was held so much that I think the only time at all she wasn't was her night-time sleep (9 hours with a nursing in-between). Please know, though, that this little girl gets held for hours by Jonathan and me anyway. Especially in the morning, when she gets up for the day, after my shower, I'll grab some coffee and a nutri-grain bar, and she usually is ready to nurse again. So I'll nurse her while reading my Bible, and then just hold her, sing to her, play with her, and cuddle pretty much the entire morning. It's not usually until lunch that I even bother trying to put her down. I adore her so much and am cherishing all the newborn time and maternity leave from my job! And in the evenings Jonathan will hold her to his chest for hours, humming or singing, playing too. But after this weekend, this morning she would not let me put her down at all (I had a stomach bug and had to). She did the mad-cry, even if I was next to her, talking to her, and touching her. *sighs* So I tried to let her cry and soothe herself and learn that she cannot always be held anymore. She did ok, but only once I swaddled her and put her in her carseat because I was going to meet Jonathan at base for lunch. (I swaddle her at night, but not during the day, so that she learns to use those hands/arms/legs.) After lunch, I nursed her, gave her a bath, and then cuddled/nursed skin-to-skin, so she got held all until Jonathan got home at 4. Then after he held her, we put her down, and she threw a fit! Once picked up, she stopped immediately, and looked into our faces happily. *sighs* This was a battle of wills! I cried, I was so unhappy hearing my baby fuss! But Jonathan and I knew we shouldn't give in. Seriously, I think she cried for 20 minutes (it felt that way anyway, maybe it was just 15). We watched on the video monitor, my heart breaking! She doesn't know how to soothe herself, so after that long, I asked Jonathan if I could go in and swaddle her because that would comfort her. He said yes, and within 3 minutes she stopped crying and calmed herself. She is now sleeping peacefully. My sweet Angel baby.

I hated every minute of that, and believe me she'll be held a lot this evening so she feels loved by us and cared for and content. But it really was a little battle-of-wills. I cannot believe it happens this early. Hopefully this is our last experience with this for a few weeks (months?) at least!!

(I don't know all my readers' positions on child training, but I am trying to be honest about our new journey into parenthood.)

Elyana Udpate & Nursery Pictures!

2009-02-06T08:05:00.006-05:00

I wanted to post from Elyana's 2 week appointment. She is growing well! She weighed in at 8lb, 6oz and was 21 1/8inches long (that's 1/2 inch from her birth length). It was a 16oz weight gain in 12 days (her 3 day appointment she was 7lb 6oz), and all they wanted to see was 1 oz a day. So that's wonderful! It was a great confirmation to me that breastfeeding is going well. Without feeding a bottle, you can never know exactly how much your child is eating. I could tell she was gaining weight, but without an actual number, you don't know if it's enough. And the pediatrician was wanting to encourage me in the breastfeeding, so she told me even though the next appointment would be when Elyana is 2 months, I could come by anytime to weigh her to make sure she was gaining well. I probably will take her up on it when I'm already in town for my 6-week postpartem appointment, just to make sure. She told me sometimes it's hard to tell when the babies are "long and lean" but that's healthy. So praise God!!!

I still love every single day of motherhood. I will have to share some more fun moments, but I'm pressed for time right now and there's something I need to share...

Nursery pictures! Now, the nursery isn't decorated much yet (Jonathan said "these walls are really bare") but I'm picky. I got 1 week old newborn pictures of Elyana done that I will be putting up there (at least one 11x14). And there are corner shelves we're going to put up. I also have beaded curtain holders I have to sew/put up. So it will get better soon. But my newest favorite thing about the room: Elyana's name hanging there! My dear, dear and talented friend Susi (and little Violet) painted these gorgeous letters and adorned them with purple gems, velvet, beads, fringe - in other words, completely over the top, just like parts of her room! The amazing thing? Susi never ever saw a picture of the nursery! All she heard was that I wanted to accent in "deep, dark eggplant purple". And she knew my penchant for all things shiny and sparkly for Baby Girl. So enjoy what pictures there are!

Here's the little one bundled up to go for a walk!

My mom said this Christmas outfit makes her look like a jailbird! :)

TOO Pretty!

Life With a Newborn & More Pictures

2009-01-29T16:15:00.002-05:00

Well, Elyana Ruth is now 11 days old! Hard to believe how much our life has changed in less than two weeks!

I love being her momma so so much! She is a precious little bundle of joy! She has been an amazingly easy baby! She has had some needy times, of course, with lots of holding and hourly nursing, but mostly she is the most sweet and content baby with the happiest disposition! Jonathan and I adore her! He is the most amazing daddy - he can put her to his chest and calm her into a peaceful reverie, and he is always ready to scoop her up and play with her. I always knew he would make an amazing father, but it's so beautiful seeing it in action.

True to form, even on his 10 days of paternity leave, he could not be idle! Since my mother was in town for 7 of those days, and taking care of meals and household chores, Jonathan took the opportunity to work on installing flooring in our new sunroom, so it's now useable! It is gorgeous! He's back at work today, and I miss him terribly. True to the love/hate relationship with the military, we learned he's being sent to Nevada for 2 weeks in February. *sighs* I don't even want to think about that yet!

Our little girl hates being unclothed! We finally gave her the first bath, and she really screamed up a storm! Fortunately, I gave her some skin-to-skin time and nursed her into a calm peacefulness after it was all over. I'm certain it was forgotten about 5 minutes after that, thank goodness!

I prepared myself for breastfeeding to be really hard, since most of what I heard was how difficult it can be, how you have to be really committed to it the first few weeks until momma/baby learn how to get it right, and about all the problems that can occur. I am so blessed to say Elyana has been a terrific nurser! We haven't had one single problem. God has been above gracious with that, because I really read up and expected a battle. I have enjoyed it so much, and love nurturing my little one. It amazes me that I can sustain her and help her grow, that God has enabled my body to do that. It's also a precious thing to be able to calm her right away with comfort, closeness to me, and nourishment. I love breastfeeding my little girl!!!

So without further adieu, I'll leave with some pictures. Lots more to say, but she's rousing from a nap and I still like to sing/talk/play with her too much while I nurse her. I know I'll multi-task eventually, but these first few weeks are too precious to use that way!!!

Elyana's first bath! Thank God for Jonathan's help!

My angel sleeping...

My wonderful mom and dad with their 3rd granddaughter!

Elyana will "kiss" her daddy's nose. It's adorable!

Jonathan's already getting her education started!

More Pictures of our Daughter!

2009-01-24T19:23:00.005-05:00

Well, it's been too many days without an update! I have been sooooo unbelievable happy as a momma! These have been the very happiest day of Jonathan and my life together, because it's taking the joy of us together and adding something to it! Having a daughter is so amazing. I never ever get tired of just staring at her face. I can't believe she's ours! The days go so blissfully and happily with her. She is such a good baby, she has been perfect at sleeping and has been a champ at breastfeeding too. She has some wakeful nights, but I can't believe I've been honored to get the priviledge of providing for her every need right now. This time is so, so precious.

We went in for the 3 day pediatrician visit and everything was great with Elyana. The pedi asked how it was being a mom and I replied, "The best thing in the world." To which she said, "Oh good, you must not be exhausted." I didn't even think of that! I have been blessed with lots of energy. I was tired and took a nap the first two days, especially when she got up a lot one night. But other than that, I've been feeling great. The recovery is painful (very, at times) and uncomfortable, but that's understandable. I've been trying to type up the long version of her birth story! I find myself distracted with just being with her and holding her. I'll hold her for hours at a time, just so I can look at her and marvel over every perfect part!!!

So, Jonathan and I are doing amazingly. My mom is here now, making great meals and taking over over necessities for me so I can just enjoy the baby. Jonathan gets 10 days of paternity leave, as a new thing the Air Force has passed. It's so wonderful!

So let me close with some pictures of our princess, and some videos. Isn't she a doll?????

A video of her hiccuping: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy05E-tXOC8

One day old! Just about to leave the hospital! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq638P6ctAg

More hiccups: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McDUHqDeWmo

Baby Pictures!

2009-01-20T21:16:00.002-05:00

Well, a little over 24 hours later an we're home!!! Elyana Ruth came into the world after 35 hours of labor, but naturally!!! She weighed (get this) 7lb 13oz, 20 and 3/4 inches long!!! Yes, after all the fuss on Friday about her being small and all that! Jonathan was amazing - I would not have continued on natural childbirth without his encouragement and clear-headedness at all the times I needed it! There were some awesome times where God really intervened. I cannot even begin to convey how much I believe the prayers that started after our appointment last week and that went on while we labored really were heard and answered. I am in the process of writing the birth story, which I will share on here.

I will give a sneak preview. My labor contractions started by waking me 5:30am on Sunday morning. I labored at home until about 8:30pm, when we headed to the hospital. There was never a "this is it" moment, or a surety we weren't going too early. But went we did. I was 4-5cm dialated, but with contractions 60-70 seconds long and ~3 minutes apart, so we did what we thought best. In retrospect it made the night very long and uncomfortable for Jonathan (at least at home he could have really slept in his own bed for a few hours!). I did not need heavy coaching during all that time, although he was coaching and helping me from the very beginning.

I was a classic "putterer" case, in Bradley-speak (realizing that myself, by Monday morning when I was only a 6-7cm dialated). My midwife had taken the weekend off entirely, and turned her cell phone off. I knew this was the case, and it did not matter because Jonathan was entirely what I needed. We had awesome nurses that were so so wonderful (another God-send), but they pretty much left us to labor ourselves as Jonathan had it well in control. By 12 I had the urge to push, and 12:50 started after the doctor came by and checked the baby and me. Let's just say after an hour and a half, the baby had moved further back! And the doctor started giving us a lecture on trying pitocin, possibly an epidural, and the moving to a c-section if those failed. He was ready to go and called me "failure to progress" (seroiously, after only 1 1/2 hours). He even told me "some babies are too big to come out this way, and have to be born c-section!" And after everything on Friday we'd just heard! Jonathan and I knew we should continue, as the baby had been doing awesome on the fetal monitor with every contraction.

Let's just say, an hour and a half later, Elyana Ruth came into the world! Another doctor delieverd (yay) and it was amazing! I'll give lots more details later, but I am undoubtably aware that God heard so many prayers and brought our daughter in the world safe and according to our desires!! We are so so overwhelmed with this little girl. She is precious and hardly cries at all and is just beautiful. Here are a few shots...

Baby Update

2009-01-17T12:13:00.003-05:00

Got an update on yesterday's appt. The ultrasound went well, although the overall appt wasn't terrific.

Baby measures about 6lb8oz, which they said was smaller than they like (they want more like 7lbs, but honestly this sounds fine to me). Her gestational age is measuring about 36wk5days when I was 39wk2days. So a bit behind, but again the midwife said I could genetically be programmed to have small babies (as a side note, my sister has had both 8lb+ babies, but both Jonathan and my mom are only 5ft tall and have had smaller babies). The amniotic fluid level was 8.2, which my reading says it should be between 5-20, but varies day-to-day based on my liquids consumed, u/s tech's mesurements, etc. They ordered a NST (non stress test) on the baby which went fine.

The hard part was they used all this info to tell us that when a baby isn't growing "great" inside they like to take it out to feed it. :) So they wanted to talk about inducing me on Wednesday (my due date, ironically). Both Jonathan and I were not convinced the baby's health or safety is really even slightly in jeopardy here, so we are not real open to that. They have me scheduled to come in Tuesday for another NST, but they did "schedule" the induction for Wednesday night (just in case the NST went really poorly, for example). I felt very anxious and all of a sudden like I had this clock ticking away against me! Jonathan was such a help in holding the line and standing up for what our plans are to try. We just don't feel peace that it's the right time to induce, when given no concrete/compelling reasons yet. We are open to it if the baby were at all in distress, but we just don't think she is. We'd like to be a week out from my due date before considering inducing.

Please join us in praying for her to maker her arrival soon - on her own! - and that we would have wisdom with any decisions we have to face, that we'll hear God and know His will.

It's a New Day

2009-01-15T10:55:00.002-05:00

So, specifically Lisi, Susi, and Lindsay, thanks girls for the words of encouragement! I needed them. I knew I shouldn't worry, and that no matter what, it comes down to an issue of trust in God taking care of me and Baby Girl. Spending time in prayer and specifically confessing my weakness in this area and asking for faith has changed my perspective. Wordly methods of not worrying (looking at statistics, pushing it out of your mind, etc) are a fleeting and failing attempt. But God is gracious to answer when we ask something that's His will anyway (like not worrying!).

I also know that you guys are right about measurments being different between doctors. This dr had never measured me anyway. Plus, the baby could have dropped, since he neglected to tell me the baby's station (it was minus 1 last week). Anyway, good stuff to remember. My sister Karen went over her records with me and she went from 39cm at 39wk to 37cm at 40wk with her 2nd baby. And delivered a few days later. *grins*

I've been vascilating between getting things done, and just not feeling up to anything more than daily necessities (work, laundry, meals, etc). Maybe it's because everything is hard when you're this big. :) I did deep-clean the bathrooms yesterday with the hope that it'll be the final time before the Big Day. I have not pre-made or frozen any meals: I am unmotivated! But the freezer and pantry are well-stocked with staple items.

My work so generously gives me 6 weeks of paid maternity leave, which I am so so grateful I will get to use. Jonathan and I plan for me to continue working as long as I can, because I love my job and it's truly a huge blessing for me and our family. I doubt I'll get 40 hours a week in anymore, but 30 would be nice. My mom is coming down here as soon as the baby is born, so I get her here for an entire week!! I can't wait for that, simply because I love spending time with her.

Today is the last day of deer hunting season in GA, so Jonathan will be out in the cold trying for that last doe or buck. After that he's got some rabbit hunting lined up, which I've always enjoyed doing. But for now, done are the days of scentless washing clothes and climber stands in the back of the car...

Drs Appt

2009-01-13T22:40:00.005-05:00

So, this is the first appointment I'd say didn't go so well. My midwife was at a delivery, so for the 2nd week in a row I didn't get her. *sighs* But that's no big deal. The big deal was that I went from measuring 36cm at 38 weeks to 35cm at 39 weeks. I always measure 2cm behind, so that's not a worry since,at ultrasounds the baby's measurement have been spot on exactly. But losing a cm in a week? So I'm 3cm off? Not so good. The doctor's immediate response was to tell me he wanted an ultrasound later this week. They need to check the baby's growth and the amniotic fluid level. I know it's just to be cautious and as a safety thing, but it of course made me a bit upset. I never of problems like that when you get this far! Baby Girl is still very active, so that's a good sign. Anyway, it just wasn't great, although you all know I love any chance to get an ultrasound. I set it for Friday morning so J could come, but I'd be happy for her to get here in person before then!

I also had a +3 protein in my routine "sample" they take every week. Which would have been a worry if I'd had significant swelling or hightened blood pressure. But my BP was 100/60, which it is every single time (they took it twice). I have a tiny bit of swelling, but hardly noticable. I fit all my shoes and my rings are as comfy as ever, blah blah. But sill - they want me to monitor the BP later this week by taking it at CVS or something. So it's a potential bad thing, since it could indicate pre-eclampsia. *sighs again*

And honestly? I just want the baby to start coming and get here healthy and ok. I don't want things to worry about that I don't have control over. I know, this will be a struggle even when she's here, so I may as well learn to lay it down each day in prayer now and submit it fully to God in trust that He can take care of her better than I ever will - whatever that will mean.

I was still 2cm dialated, as I was last week, and went from 50% effaced last week to about 80%. Doesn't mean anything about when she'll come, except that things are going in the right direction. Always nice. So when you think of it, you can join us in praying for Baby Girl to stay healthy and come at the right time. We ask that every day.

Holiday Times

2009-01-06T09:35:00.007-05:00

Well, the holidays are over and we're back in Georgia. We had such wonderful times with all of our family and friends. Living away definitely makes you value and cherish everything you get to do together. I made it to Starbucks three times with my mom, sisters, or sister-in-law. :) I did not take near as many pictures as I usually do, mostly because I got very wrapped up in just visiting. Here are some pictures below.

Also, I know everyone wants to hear how the baby progress is going. I'm 39 weeks on Wednesday! It's an exciting time, but also a pretty uncomfortable one. Baby really dropped about 2 weeks ago, and a few nights a week I just cannot sleep long I am hurting so bad. There is no good way to brace the weight of my stomach that I've found, with materials or pillows or whatever. Baths are soothing on the muscle aches at least. Baby Girl seems content in there, but we are finally, finally ready for her arrival. Hunting season ends on the 15th here, which I'd like her to come after so that Jonathan gets every day he can to hunt, and so that the car can get a deep clean from all the boots, stands, mud, guns, corn, you name it that have been mucking it up so bad these past months! :)

I did have about 11 hours of contractions on Friday, that I precisely timed & wrote down for about 2-3 hours. They came between 4-7 minutes apart, but no more than 25-35 seconds long. They were painful, but not terribly so. I could smile between them (rather than needing to be prepared for the next one), and they did not take my entire concentration to get through. We'd hoped it would turn out to be more, but by the next morning when they'd subsided, I re-read the emotional map of labor and other parts of the Bradley book, and was confident my body was actively working on getting the baby here, but had decided to wait some more. I definitely stayed at the 1st emotional signpost (excitement) and so it was pretty empowering/good for Jonathan and me to re-read this all after the fact and know what to anticipate, and understand what we'd gone through. Pretty exciting. Since I desire to labor at home and go to the hospital later (to avoid time-pressure by staff and potential unnecessary medical intervention), there wasn't even a question of leaving the house yet, so it felt good and in control.

Anyway, more later after my appointment today. And I want to post my now-completed birth plan for your viewing pleasure. :) But now to pictures!

Granddaddy at the Christmas table! He was pretty happy!

Daddy donned an apron and did dishes! It was too hilarious seeing him like that not to snap a photo!

Stuart and Carter got into a cool whip fight... It was... memorable. Mom was pretty upset at first, but once everything was cleaned up, she laughed. She is amazing!

Daddy and Mom

Daddy and Carter

Shiona Marie - what a little pixie!!! She loooooooooved opening presents! She opened anything in sight!

Crystal and Noah

Mary and Mom

This Christmas, Grandma and Grandpa spent the night with us all at the Wilsons. It was super fun having Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas morning/breakfast with them!

Here's a photo Carter took & edited of Karen and me over Thanksiving. We are 20 weeks apart, so I was 32 weeks, she was 12. It's exciting to know these cousins will be so close in age.

Baby Girl's Name!

2008-12-19T10:31:00.003-05:00

I have not shared online yet what name we have chosen for Baby Girl, even though we've known it since sometime in October. Let's back up a bit.

Jonathan and I have always had names we liked. We've agreed on a few in fact, before we ever were married! But somehow when we found out we were really pregnant with a little girl, all the "pretty" names we'd thought we'd use didn't seem to fit. Jonathan was deployed and we'd talk and look up names online based on their meaning, but never really come to an agreement where we felt "this is it." He finally told me one day, "We just need to pray for her name. God knows it already, He just has to reveal it to us." So, that's what we did. We prayed. For about 2 months.

One day, over chat, Jonathan told me a name had come to his mind on the flight he'd had the previous night. He said it was "Eliana". He didn't know what it meant or how to spell it. So he looked it up right then. It means, "The Lord has answered." (I knew that, as I'd had an online friend use it over a year ago.) Isn't that amazing? We just knew, this was her name! We're going to spell it Elyana. It will be Elyana Ruth. Ruth means "companion, friend". We've always loved the name Ruth, and the book. But long ago, before we were even trying for a baby, I told Jonathan (seriously joking) that I'd prefer a girl first, to have a "little buddy" to go places with, talk to all day, and have tea/coffee with. I, of course, changed my mind quickly and just prayed so long for a healthy live baby, no matter anything else. But the fact that God's given us a girl is a sweet reminder of what friendship I plan to have with my daughter (as I have with my mom!).

So that's it! Elyana Ruth. We can't wait.

My Thoughts on Being Pregnant

2008-12-15T15:03:00.005-05:00

I have done a lot of "what we've been up to" posts lately, and not too many thoughtful or pondering ones. Which I enjoy reading both types from other people's blogs, so I try to do some of each here too. And since pregnancy was something I desired so greatly and spent so much time praying for, thinking about, struggling with, and longing for, it's only appropriate for me to now share about what it's like achieving it, as I've only a little over a month left of it (if Baby Girl comes close to when she's due)

Pregnancy has been amazing, it's been challenging, it's been totally not what I expected, and yet everything I dreamed.

I spent the first trimester so glad to be preganant and yet too unwilling because of my fear to really live in it and celebrate it. I did not talk about the baby a lot, nor did I indulge in much conversation about "how I felt" and all the pregnancy "symptoms" I had (or didn't). Which everyone likes to do or ask you about when it's that new/exciting. I was feeling like I was "missing out" by not being able to be blithely and innocently happy about it, because I could not reconcile with myself that pregnancy = a baby 9 months later. And looking back now? I really didn't miss out. God gives us 9 whole months to be pregnant, and there are plenty of days and hours to dream giddily about the future, and plan and prepare and talk about everything pregnancy does to your body. Missing out 13 weeks isn't a big deal at all.

Morning sickness was my favorite first trimester symptom. Let me be clear, I had it pretty easy! I only threw up 6 times, and my nausea wasn't horrible. I hated being nauseous, because it was so incapacitating, but it was the only symptom that felt real and tangible then. Whenever I did throw up, I was secretly cheering inside, so happy the baby was making me sick.

My second trimester I recall some bad weeks. I had an incredible pain in my right-upper rib that was so awful, I had to tightly wrap ace bandages around for 6-8 hours each day just to contain the pain. I got sick around week 25/26 and it was horrible! My belly ached all the time, and I could never tell if it was a problem with the baby or just an achy stomach from a bug. I worried a lot about going into preterm labor and not realizing it. While sick, sleeping became the hardest thing for me: my sides ached and ached and my belly constantly needed propping up and yet it still hurt when I slept. My sister announced her 3rd pregnancy, and I was so excited for her, but one of my first few thoughts were, "What if I lose the baby and she gives birth in June? How will I bear that?" Yes, I know those aren't profitable thoughts, but I was pretty unsure still if I would get a real live baby in the end. It took a long time for me to overcome this.

There is a very uncomfortable stage that for me was between 9 and 22 weeks. You don't really not fit your old clothes, and yet they're too tight to be comfy. You walk around knowing you're pregnant, but feeling like you just look fat since there's not an obvious baby bump. You can try on five shirts and fix pants/skirts before heading out before finding one that actually looks ok. It was weird for me, because I wanted to look pregnant, and yet I knew I'd still have months and months of looking pregnant, so I also tried to hold onto my slimmer self as long as possible. It's hard to feel you look good, when you're convinced you look chunky in the tummy.

Ah but when you finally pop out - as I so obviously have - it is wonderful. Strangers are always asking about the baby, little girls look and stare and smile. And me? I love it! I love looking different, because I know it's so short-lived. I don't know if this is the only time the Lord will grace us with a pregnancy, so I am loving it dearly.

Yet truth be told, being so big makes so many things hard that you never give a though to. It's hard for me to feel like I'm the slower and weaker one when I'm out and about. It's harder for me to not try to carry "more than my share." It's hard for me to admit how tired out smaller things make me. It's hard how much a chore things I used to enjoy can seem. I will be glad when shaving is easy and breezy again. I'll be glad when I can saddle up a tree stand quickly and without fear of falling and hurting the baby. So I try to realized these are just annoyances I have to put up with for the next few weeks, and to not obsess about them.

Sometime around 27 weeks, I read the Bradley book about childbirth/labor. I learned the processes my body should go through to (normally) deliver this baby. I had been praying a long time for a release from fear and complete trust in God over this child. Sometime around now, I got it. I finally trusted my body that it would do what it was created to, on time, correctly. I did not fear it betraying me anymore, as I felt it had betrayed me with my infertility and with my miscarriage. My body was not viewed as "the enemy" anymore to this baby's life. It was helping the baby thrive and live and God had created it to do a certain thing, and He was enabling it. So fear left me. And with it came a great release.

And the very best of the best of the best part of being pregnant, the part I wish was always there: feeling the baby move! I live for each twist and turn and kick and hiccup and sommersault that Baby Girl does. It is my delight. I could press my hand to my stomach all day, or watch it as it jumps around. It's the most wonderful thing about pregnancy, without a doubt!

I don't know how these next 5 weeks will play out, but I do pray daily for a safe delivery of our daughter, and for labor to go as I desire it to. We shall see, but in the meantime I just trust, and continue to eat healthy, work on the nursery, and do my labor practicing/exercises!

My favorite pictures of all!

2008-12-10T13:01:00.005-05:00

So, a LOT has happened since the last update. There was Thanksgiving, which this year was one of the best Thanksgivings in a long time! Maybe because we served at 6pm rather than 2pm, giving the girls ample time in the kitchen and lots of leisure to prepare this and that... Maybe because I had it with my family which I haven't since '05... Maybe because we all sat at one table rather than 3 tables, since Seths' built an awesome extention to my family's main dining table (we had 20 people at Thanksgiving dinner). Whatever it was, it was amazing!

Then I was honored and totally blessed with a baby shower than my mom and sisters threw. It was incredible! I cried of course, because of all the love and generosity people showed, but also because there was I sitting there at 33 weeks pregnant, just astounded God has kept this little girl so safe and healthy. I could have never foreseen that day!

And then Jonathan and I spent 5 incredible days traipsing around downtown Chicago, going to my company's swanky Christmas party, attending The Screwtape Letters with my parents, museum going, and dining to the nines! It was a romantic and much desired getaway for us two, and our last fancy one before Baby Girl comes along. I'm grateful we had that chance!

So, pictures for the above will follow later, with more details. But for now I'll share the best picture of all: those of Baby Girl. We got a 34 week ultrasound and it was SOOOO wonderful! It was the first time I cried during an ultrasound. She looked so fully developed, and she was moving around just like I've seen little newborns do! She is so precious!!! We got to watch in 4-D for a while, and got 2 pictures in 3-D you see below. Is it not amazing??? Jonathan and I just love the clarity and are so excited to meet her soon!!!! Her growth is great, she weighs about 4lb5oz (38th percentile, so a bit small, but I am too, so it's expected). She is head down currently and moves around like a champ all the time! I did start iron injections for 6 weeks, I don't know if they'll help or not, but they can't hurt. I can't keep my iron up with eating, supplementing, and the perscription iron I've been on since 11 weeks.

This was my first glimpse of Jonathan when he returned!!!!

And a lovely shot of us in New Bern back together again!

Precious Baby Girl - smiling at us!!!

Me in the nursery with my 33 week belly!

Life Here in the Wilson Home

2008-11-24T09:45:00.002-05:00

My life is so full of happiness lately with my precious, very much missed husband back home again!!! Tomorrow will make 3 weeks since he's returned! I still catch myself telling him as we are together, "I'm so happy to have you here!" Being separated really makes you appreciate the wonderful things about the person you chose to marry. They come to the forefront of your mind, and the silly things I can "care" about (like not picking up clothes and tracking in mud *grins*) just come into realization of what they are: silly! Why should I waste care about preferential things that I am actually happy to do, and more than happy to have him home to do those for?

Likewise, I am so so grateful for the burden Jonathan takes on with our household. For example, our car needed fixing again, and I'd taken it in 4-5 times over the time he was deployed, each time researching and calling for price quotes, etc and having to make judgement calls I wasn't comfortable with. Now that he's home, he took it in twice and made all the decisions and it was absolutely no responsibility of mine. What a sweet burden off me, and something I normally would take for granted. We've also been putting the baby's furniture together, making quite a lot of trash. Friday morning he had a huge pile out there for pick-up. I did not have to take out one bit of it (and it was in the 30's cold!). Driving back to NC twice now, the 8 hour drives each way, he has done 100% of the driving except 2 hours I took over because I asked to. So many more things I haven't even thought of, that he just does, and I wouldn't normally give a thought because it never had been my responsibility. He serves as the husband and leader of our family so humbly, diligently, and faithfully, that I just have reason to thank God every day for him, and I hope I try to convey my thankfulness to Jonathan as well.

We had our 11-day post-deployment "honeymoon" trip to New Bern again, and actually visited our families for a few days at the end too. Those first days back together are amazing! I can't describe them but just to say, if you haven't been separated for your husband for more than a month, you wouldn't be able to relate. It's magical and perfect and a honeymoon is the best way to relate to it. You're just so happy to be together! Nothing can upset you, nothing can go "wrong", and every little thing is fun - running to Wal-Mart, cooking a meal, snuggling midday just because you can, driving, on and on and on. I glance over at Jonathan, and my heart melts to look at that face that I find more handsome than any other, butterflies are in my stomach at hearing his step come near, his voice sends happy quivers through me, and I grin all day long just to have him nearby! It is bliss!!!

Jonathan put up the chair rails for Baby Girl's room, installed the chandelier (*sheepish grin* yes, I said chandelier), we put together her dresser, and the changer will be next. Then I just need to find bedding I like (this has been horrible as I can find nothing), and we need to find a rocker/glider/whatever together. Then it's just a matter of arranging it all, and putting everything where it belongs. Then her room will be ready for her arrival!

Speaking of, we have finally now read Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way together (I read it alone first, then we read it together as we sat in a deer stand hunting!). It was good to have us read something with the basic ideas for how I'd like this birth to go. I have some serious issues with the book's agenda and really ancient "references" to studies/research, but the basic approach to labor and birth agree with me. I want to understand exactly what is or should be happening with my body and the baby, I want to keep intervention at the barest minimum, and I do not want to introduce any drugs into my bloodstream and thus (potentially) the baby's. Now anyone who knows our story will know if we were agaisnt medicine as a practice, we would not be pregnant with this baby! But obviously my initial desire was to do everything we could to conceive naturally. The same is true here. I want to do everything I can to have a natural childbirth experience. But it is not my hill to die on! My safety and the baby's are the utmost priority. So, I will blog later about my birth plan, about issues I do not want to "give" on and issues I would, etc.

I could begin another whole post now with all that, but I'll save it for my next update. I know you seasoned mommies out there will have lots of good advise and input for me, which I am Very Happy to receive (even if it's not along my lines of natural childbirth, I welcome your stories).

2008-11-03T10:53:00.015-05:00

So, I know most my readers are not military, so a separation from your husband usually is confined to a few days at most. And maybe those days are spent getting "me" time or special time with your children. But as a miltiary wife, the second thing you do after your husband is deployed, is make a list of projects to tackle and accomplish over his absence. The first thing you do of course is try to pick yourself up of the couch where you've been sobbing for the last hour. Deployments don't get easier, and the initial pain of missing the man you love is so intense. But giving yourself something to work at greatly helps busy the mind and body not to dwell on the current circumstances.

I'm sure it depends on the length of deployment - Susi had 15 long, grueling months. And a 4 month old daughter. But guess what the first thing she did was? She moved!!! Talk about an accomplishment!

My projects have been much smaller. Last spring, they were making a lovely place out of the front flowerbed, re-vamping the office completely (including a lot of hanging/organizing and painting my desk), and organizing the garage. Plus lots of visiting around. Anyway, here's a tiny glimpse of what I did last time:

You can't see in this picture, but the front bed was so ugly. Planted 4 rose bushes, a gardenia bush, dusty miller (silver-colored), hostas, red flowers, mulched, put up black fencing. Took about a month for all the colors to come in & I never got a picture of that, but believe me it looked great! All that digging was a lot of work! (Before & After pics) Click to see the colors!

I can't find a "before" of the office, but believe me it was messy and uncoordinated! This is what my desk went from looking like. It's so much nicer with complimentary furniture!

So this time, my projects were to get the new office all set up (since the old office was now the baby's room). This was a bit tricky because it involved combining the hunting room with the office. Sure, there was space, but careful organization was needed to keep it from being crowded and frustrating. (Believe me, we have enough hunting stuff to dedicate an entire room to it! *grins*)

I also had the best project ever, to get the baby's room painted! I also ended up purchasing a fair amount of baby clothes/stuff while Jonathan was gone, so getting that set up was inevitable. My little projects have been: read birthing & new baby-related books, crochet Baby Girl a blanket, sew myself a nursing cover, make my own baby thank-you notes, and just in general organize the house more (I feel like I can always, always organize it more!). So, for your enjoyment, here are some pictures of my accomplishments. I did also travel & have guests too, went to Chicago for business, and made my sister-in-law's wedding cake. All I have left to do is cleaning until Jonathan returns!!!!

Nursing Cover, Baby Blanket, Thank You Notes

For what it's worth, I'm craving this fabulous concoction Susi and I made: a Black Forest Kirsch-laced Torte. We made it one of my last few days there, and even managed it for breakfast once (goes incredible with some Cutter's Point coffee laced with real cream). Can anyone tell we have decadent taste????